Too Much of a Good Thing
by HarkaSun
Summary: As head of the New York institute, Alec Lightwood is a busy man. However, his attempts to maintain his relationship with his warlock boyfriend, Magnus Bane, may only damage his reputation and put both men in a difficult position. The deadliest threat often wears a familiar face and a strain on their relationship may be the least of their problems. (mid season 3A) *Torture warning*
1. Chapter 1

Alec Lightwood was a busy man.

As head of the New York institute, he had little time for any kind of social life, and Magnus had grown accustomed to that.

He had become used to Alec not coming home night after night. He had learned to anticipate his boyfriend's rare appearances happening in the black of night, when Alec would crawl into Magnus's bed at a time so late it could almost be called morning. He had come to expect Alec calling up in the middle of the day to apologetically cancel their date that evening.

Magnus had just adapted around it, frequently whipping up a portal to the institute to visit his busy shadowhunter. It was almost sad how grateful Alec was to see him, sneaking Magnus into his room to give him a welcoming kiss away from prying eyes. Despite everything, Alexander still wasn't comfortable with displaying his affection for Magnus in front of people at the institute.

That was most likely for the best, as the shadowhunters rarely gave Magnus any kind of welcome—more frequently he was challenged at the door and had to wait for Alec to come down personally to assure the guard that Magnus was a friend.

Buried deep inside, beneath his love for Alec, Magnus resented many shadowhunters at the institute. Deeper still, he found irritation at Alexander himself for refusing to show the slightest hint of intimacy in public. It only enhanced Magnus's already prominent awareness that he was an outcast here, as well as cementing his constantly growing belief that Alec was ashamed of him.

Although it was far from prefect, the routine of the pair coming and going to one another's homes worked to an extent, until, that is, Magnus offered his assistance on a demon assignment and ended up using such a surplus of magic that he simply passed out. He woke in Alec's room, his magic so feeble that he could barely feel it.

Alec brought him tea and stared at him with a worried frown creasing his brow as Magnus struggled in even sitting himself up.

Stubbornly protective, he had insisted that Magnus stay in the institute until he had regained his strength as least enough to put up the protective warding around his loft. Despite Magnus's concerns, Alec never gave ground, and the warlock reluctantly agreed that it was probably for the best, although he was not exactly thrilled about being quarantined in the institute with people who despised him and his kind.

During his first day at the institute, Magnus received some dirty looks from numerous shadowhunters, but the group defended him fiercely—Clary often shooting glares at anyone who so much as rolled their eyes or scoffed at Magnus's presence. Jace and Isabelle preferred a more open approach, often challenging the behaviour with a yelled verbal or even a physical comeback. Magnus himself decided that the best thing to do was to simply ignore them.

God help the poor soul who dared to mock the warlock within earshot of Alec. The head of the institute never took the physical approach, but he never just glared.

One shadowhunter had the gall to scoff during Alec's first briefing of the day, regarding treatment of downworlders seeking help.

"Not like he hasn't got an incentive," she muttered, making the man beside her give a less than subtle snort of unpleasant amusement.

Alec fell silent, his gaze dropping on the woman.

"Do we have a problem here?"

He didn't even raise his voice, that was the scariest thing. His expression was perfectly emotionless, a stone exterior to hide what anger boiled beneath.

"Uh, n-no," the woman spluttered, immediately flushing crimson. "No, I don't-"

"If you have an issue with any of my decisions then I'd like to hear them," Alec continued, refusing to let it go.

The woman ducked her head, flustered. "I don't have an issue."

Alec stared at her a moment longer, his gaze darting across to the man beside her, who had his eyes cast downwards.

"Good," he replied with a firmness that ended the discussion. "I wouldn't think you'd have to be told this, but just in case it's unclear, don't ever interrupt me again."

Jace grinned his delight at Alec's usual bluntness being put to work defending Magnus and clapped him on the back after the briefing had concluded and the crowd was dispersing.

Alec didn't share the enthusiasm of his parabati.

Although he was the one who had implemented the 'no intimacy at the institute' rule for him and Magnus, he couldn't smother his rage. He hated the way these people looked at Magnus. He hated himself for asking Magnus to stay here because he now understood the warlock's reluctance. Being around shadowhunters for him meant constant discrimination simply for how he was born, for who his father was, things that he had no control over.

Perhaps it was cowardice that led him to separating his feelings. He wondered that maybe, deep down, he refused to display affection towards Magnus in front of shadowhunters because he didn't want to share that persecution.

The first day, Alec barely even saw Magnus at all.

As head of the institute, he was preoccupied with every case of concern with demonic presence in New York, including every violation of the accords that deviant downworlders were partaking in. The most troubling at this time happened to be a few members of Lucian Graymark's pack who had abandoned their home at the Jade Wolf and were gorging themselves on wandering mundanes.

Planning assignment groups and target areas claimed the better part of the day.

It was late when Alec closed the door to his room, glancing to the bed to see Magnus with an open book in his lap, reading by candlelight. His eyes remained unlined—apparently Magnus felt comfortable enough in Alec's room to show his natural side, and Alec loved that. A new addition of black framed glasses was perched on his nose.

"Busy day?"

The shadowhunter exhaled heavily. "You have no idea," he said as he shrugged off his jacket, throwing it over the back of a chair.

Magnus glanced up, a sympathetic smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. "You look exhausted."

"Gee, thanks."

Magnus smiled again, shaking his head fondly and returning to his book. Undressing down to his underwear, Alec let his clothes scatter the floor as he made his way to the bed and shuffled in beside Magnus, head falling against the pillows with a grunt.

He blinked up at his boyfriend, forcing himself to stay awake a while longer despite his fatigue.

"How are you doing?"

The warlock barely looked his way, adjusted his glasses absently. "I'm alright. Resting is doing wonders for my strength. I should be back to normal in a matter of days."

"Days?" echoed Alec, shifting to prop himself up on his elbows. "It was that bad?"

"Well, I did actually faint this time, remember? Have you ever seen that happen before?"

Alec furrowed his brow, recalling times that Magnus overused his power in the past. "You came close once… when you were helping to heal Luke. I'm pretty sure you were on the verge of passing out then."

Magnus hummed, flicking to the next page of his book. "Well, there you go."

They were quite for a moment. Slowly, Alec began to smile and it just grew wider by the moment as he watched his boyfriend reading.

"Can I ask one more question?"

"I do believe you already have."

"Do you actually need those glasses in order to read?"

Closing his book, Magnus glanced to him, his expression one of careful neutrality. "What exactly are you implying, Alexander?"

"That you don't need them, because you're magic, that you just wear them to look cute and it's definitely working?"

Magnus was smiling now too.

He put his book to one side, laying it face-down on the bedside table and leaning back to press a lingering kiss to Alec's forehead.

Although he didn't speak, Alec caught a softness in his dark eyes.

It worried him somehow.

"Are you really okay?"

"Go to sleep," was all he received in reply, and Magnus turned to blow away the candle flame, throwing the room into darkness.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N—Apologies in advance for sporadic updates. I'm a mess.**

**Anyway, chapter two—enjoy!**

* * *

A shuffle at the bedside woke Magnus.

There was light against his closed eyelids, the morning sun smattering through the window of Alec's bedroom. That was one of the less important aspects of the room that Magnus disliked: the fact that it faced East to the rising sun. Of course, there was the more pressing concern of the room being stationed in the institute, but there was nothing to be done about that.

A hand sliding across the mattress, Magnus found only cold bedsheets beside him and determined that his boyfriend was the one puttering about the room. There was a soft noise like someone muttering under breath and the clatter of something falling over to be hastily clunked back upright. Magnus let his eyes flutter open at the commotion, grunting softly as he struggled to wake up in time to process that the shadowhunter in the room was definitely not Alec, but rather a female with hair so orange that it practically glowed.

"Hey, morning," Clary greeted, acknowledging him as she saw he was awake, before continuing her search across the bedside table.

"Morning, biscuit," Magnus replied with a soft frown, propping himself up on one elbow. "What time is it?"

"Almost nine," Clary said, busily rifling through the drawers now.

Magnus ran a hand through his hair, subtly threading his magic through the unruly locks to make himself a little more presentable. It certainly wasn't his wisest idea, as he was then blinking away black spots from his vision at the drain of magic. It had only been a trickle of his power, but he knew he should be more careful considering how weak vanquishing the demon had made him. He was unused to feeling so faint.

The mattress creaked softly as he sat himself up, leaning back against the headboard of the bed and rubbing his hands over his sleep-heavy face. "What are you looking for?"

"Alec's stele," said Clary, a soft furrow to her brow as she sifted through whatever items Alec kept in the drawers of his bedside table. "He's swamped with these rogue werewolf searches and he thinks he left it in here this morning. I volunteered to fetch it. Sorry if I woke you up."

"It was probably about time to get up," chuckled Magnus, glancing across the bed to Alec's alarm clock and wondering why it hadn't woken him when it went off for Alec.

Clary picked out a slip of shined paper, smiling softly as she stared down at it. Magnus frowned, shifting himself over to Alec's side of the bed to lean over Clary's arm. She angled the paper for him to see and he shared her smile. It was the second copy of their photos from Tokyo. Warmth touched Magnus's heart as he realised that Alec kept them so close to him in a place so easily accessible.

"These are cute," Clary remarked, grinning at him. "I've never seen Alec smiling like that."

"It was a good night," Magnus reminisced.

With a small hand flourish, he waved Clary back a little so he could clamber out of bed and wandered over to where Alec's trousers were discarded across the floor. Rummaging through the pockets, he fished out Alec's stele and turned to hand it to Clary. She had her gaze averted from his half-naked body, a flush across her cheeks and Magnus chuckled.

"Relax, biscuit. We're both mature adults."

"Yeah," Clary agreed, taking the stele. "Thanks. I'll get this to Alec."

He cast her a wink, watching as she scurried out of the room. He could hear her laughing softly to herself as she closed the door and a smile crossed his features. Glancing back to Alec's bedside table, he wandered across the room to pick up the column of photos, rubbing an absent thumb to the frozen smiles.

In that moment, remembering their date in Tokyo and everything since, he knew Alec loved him. Maybe, despite all the discrimination he had endured from other shadowhunters, that love was enough.

* * *

Having dressed himself in clothes from yesterday, Magnus was closing the door to Alec's room, not entirely sure of his destination, when a familiar voice called out to him. Turning at the shout, he smiled to see Alec making his way down the corridor towards him. The shirt he wore was not his own.

"Hey, I heard you helped find my stele," said Alec as he halted in front of his boyfriend.

"Good morning, Alexander," Magnus greeted, frowning softly as he glanced down to the shadowhunter's attire. "Is that my shirt?"

"Oh, yeah," Alec muttered, smoothing down the fabric. "Sorry, I forgot to return it. I just kind of threw it on this morning."

Magnus shook his head with a smile. "Keep it. It looks good on you."

He leaned up and pressed a kiss to Alec's cheek, frowning his disappointment when Alec mumbled a sound of awkwardness, stepping back.

"Not—uh—not here, okay?"

Magnus huffed his irritation, making a show of looking around them at the deserted corridor. "I don't see anyone gawking at us," he said, crossing his arms over his chest at he turned back to Alec. He wasn't afraid of causing a scene if it meant Alec would untie himself from this absurd knot of embarrassment. "I'm sorry, I didn't realise I was this big secret you had to keep under wraps."

"You're not. I'm sorry, it's just…" He sighed and shook his head. "Magnus, things are tense enough with you here and if we start acting like boyfriends around the institute… Look, I just think we need to keep our personal and professional lives separate. That's all."

"Oh, that's all?"

Alec frowned at the clear spite in Magnus's voice. "Hey, come on…"

"Alec, I was in your bed last night," said Magnus, struggling to reel in his emotions before he said something he would regret. "I think people know."

"I'm sorry, Magnus. I know this is difficult—"

"No, you have no idea," Magnus snapped.

He didn't elaborate and Alec spurred into a jog to hurry after him as he took off down the corridor. Magnus didn't slow. He couldn't extinguish this fierce anger inside of him, this burning resentment towards Alec for forcing him to stay in this place and then pretending that he didn't exist. Stubbornly proud as always, Magnus despised hiding who he was, and he definitely didn't appreciate that kind of discrimination coming from Alec of all people.

"Hey, where are you going?"

"I'm going home," said Magnus, refusing to even cast a glance in Alec's direction. "I'm strong enough to put up the warding now."

It wasn't true; they both knew that much. Draining his powers on destroying the demon had left a lasting effect. If he tried to put up the warding around his loft, he would probably be in a light coma for a couple of days. Apparently, patience was not one of Magnus's prime virtues.

Magnus headed out into the main room, ducking his way past shadowhunters who hummed around the room busily completing their tasks for the day. He almost made it through the crowd when a hand took his arm, spinning him around. Finding himself staring up at Alec's softly narrowed eyes, he huffed in irritation and strained to free himself. He wanted to order the shadowhunter to release him but the words died at his lips as he noted the pain in Alec's eyes.

"Magnus," Alec said, adjusting so he could hold both of Magnus's hands in his own, squeezing tight. "I'm sorry. I know I don't always consider how uncomfortable being here can be for you. The people here… they haven't exactly been kind to you. I know things between shadowhunters and downworlders are tense right now; they've always been tense. That's not an excuse for my behaviour. This is one hundred percent my fault. I'm being a terrible boyfriend."

Magnus stared at him.

People could hear him saying these things. They didn't stop to gawk, they just gave the pair a quick side-eye and continued on their way, but they could still hear. They were dead centre in the middle of the busiest and most hectic part of the institute. Alec was letting them hear.

"I hate this, okay?" he continued, almost a whisper. His lowered tone wasn't a result of him trying to hide, Magnus realised. It was the emotion creeping into Alec's words. "I hate how they're always calling you 'warlock' like you don't have a name. I hate the way people look at you like you don't belong here."

"Well, I don't."

Alec shook his head, pulling him closer by his hands. "You do. I'm here, Magnus. You belong with me."

Magnus's eyes narrowed. "Alexander…"

"I love you."

Pausing for a moment, Magnus stared up into Alec's eyes, searching for a hint of reluctance or embarrassment at saying this to him beyond the confinements of their shared bedroom. He found nothing but honesty and, to his surprise, a hint of anxiety. It took him a moment to realise that Alec was afraid that he wouldn't say it back. Sighing and shaking his head, Magnus squeezed both of Alec's hands, a reassuring smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.

"I love you too, Alexander."

The anxiety eased mercifully into fondness. Alec released Magnus's hands, content that his boyfriend wouldn't try to run again and therefore comfortable with easing back a little.

"Will you stay here tonight?" Alec requested, running a hand across Magnus's shoulder and down to hold his waist.

"Oh?" Magnus cast him a sly look. "You… _want_ me here?"

Alec frowned. "Of course, I want you here… Is that so terrible? Do you still want to leave?"

"Not at all," Magnus replied airily, darting his gaze away. "It's just that I've regained my strength from the demon incident…" He trailed off at that, the lie dying at his lips as Alec gave him this knowing look. Magnus glanced downwards, taking in a deep breath. "Well, I just thought you wanted to keep our personal and our professional lives separate, that's all."

Alec clicked his tongue as he pulled the warlock closer. "My words, I know. I was being stupid." His eyes softened with guilt. "I'm sorry. I never meant to push you away."

Magnus lifted a hand to fix the collar of his shirt. "Hush. It's forgotten."

Alec smiled, leaning down a little so he could press a lingering kiss against Magnus's lips right there in the middle of the institute. When the kiss broke, he pressed his forehead down against Magnus's own.

"Someone's getting bolder," Magnus commented with a meaningful look.

"I'm tired of hiding," Alec murmured. "The Clave can get used to it or they can kick me out."

Magnus blinked softly and trailed a hand over his shoulder to show his appreciation. Stepping back a little so both he and Alec could have their space, he suddenly remembered a particular phone call he had received shortly before the demon assignment that he had so willingly offered his help on. It was a matter he was uncertain if Alec was aware of but he perceived it to be important enough to let his boyfriend know.

"Speaking of The Clave," he began. "I had an unusual request the other day."

"Oh yeah?" Alec frowned softly. "What was it?"

"Well—"

"Alec!"

A voice interrupted the warlock and Alec glanced back to see a shadowhunter unfamiliar to Magnus calling to the head of the institute.

"We've had a sighting of those werewolves that broke from Lucian Graymark's pack. They were reportedly sulking around by the Hunter's Moon."

Alec nodded once and then glanced back to Magnus. "Sorry, I should really deal with this. Rain check?"

Magnus gestured absently. "Of course. I'll find something to busy myself while you're hard at work."

"I know it's hectic around here," Alec murmured as means of an apology, pressing a quick kiss to Magnus's temple. "When things die down a little, I'll take a day off to focus on you, okay? We can go wherever you want with zero interruptions. I'll leave my phone here." He smiled suddenly; his eyes shone bright with inspiration. "How about we finally go to that place in Iceland you keep talking about? That steakhouse in Reykjavik?"

"It's a date," Magnus agreed, squeezing his shoulder once more before letting him go.

It was late into the night when Alec was done working and, watching him collapse into a heap onto the bed, Magnus decided his information could wait—at least until morning.


	3. Chapter 3

Alec woke up with Magnus in his arms. His boyfriend was warm against his chest, fingertips absently tracing the runes across Alec's chest. Alec had to fight back a shudder as the touch tickled his skin.

"Morning," he mumbled, turning his head to press a sloppy kiss against his Magnus's temple.

"Good morning," replied Magnus.

Prising his eyes open, still heavy with sleep, Alec saw Magnus smiling up at him, his fingers stilling on Alec's chest. The shadowhunter squeezed one arm tighter around Magnus's waist, shifting the other to press his fingers beneath the warlock's chin, lifting his head and kissing him again, capturing his lips this time. Magnus gave a soft, surprised moan into his mouth, pushing up into it.

Shifting himself around, Magnus ended up straddling Alec's stomach, cupping his face in both hands and nipping his boyfriend's lower lip. Alec startled at the sharpness of it. He raked his hand into Magnus's hair, gently pushing him back a little.

"Okay," he murmured, smiling up at him. "Okay, I'm awake."

There was a knock at the door and the handle turned before Alec could even call out an answer. Mismatched eyes met his for the briefest second.

"Oh," Jace turned away immediately, shielding his face on the side closest to them. "Man, I'm sorry—"

"He's a coy one, isn't he?" Magnus teased.

"Jace, relax," Alec assured him calmly, gently pushing Magnus off of him so he could prop himself up on his elbows. "We weren't doing anything. I literally just woke up."

"Still—"

"And he's still wearing underwear," Magnus interrupted the flustered shadowhunter. "Myself however..."

He yelped as Alec smacked him in the face with a pillow.

"Mom's coming to the institute this morning," Jace muttered awkwardly. "Thought you'd like to be up to greet her."

Alec nodded. "Yeah, I'll be right there."

The door shut with a click and Magnus quirked a faint smile. He snuggled back against Alec's chest, forcing him back down against the pillows and Alec, despite knowing that he had work to do, knowing he should be there to welcome his mother, complied beneath his demanding touch, wanting to be with Magnus just a little longer.

"I think I've embarrassed you."

"Why would I be embarrassed?" Alec replied lightly. "To be caught in the same bed as my boyfriend? Scandalous."

He leaned down to him and Magnus smirked into the kiss, clutching the back of Alec's head to prolong the moment. When he allowed them to break apart, Alec sighed against his lips.

"Magnus, you know I love you, right?"

"Of course," Magnus answered dutifully, brushing his thumb across Alec's cheekbone. "I love you too. What's brought this on?"

"It's just... you having to sleep here if you want to see me. It's not really fair."

Magnus canted his head, a knowing look crossing his expression. "Alexander, we talked about this."

"I know, I just… I just wanted to apologise. I know it's difficult, and I'm sorry. I know the kind of effort you're making so we can see each other more often and I'm sorry for being so busy all the time. Even around the institute, I barely see you. I just feel like I never show how much I appreciate everything you do to maintain our relationship."

Magnus smirked softly. "Maintain?" he chuckled. "You make it sound like so much work."

"It _is_ work."

"Well, it's work that I'm happy to do."

* * *

Remaining in bed, Magnus watched shamelessly as Alec dressed himself for the day. Alec caught his staring by his reflection in the mirror while he was picking out a shirt, and he dropped his gaze. A steady blush crept up the back of his neck; the pink hue made Magnus smirk.

"Why so shy?" he asked slyly as Alec hurriedly pulled on a shirt. "You look good. You should show off more."

Alec smiled, casting a coy glance over his shoulder at Magnus. His boyfriend stretched out on the bed for him, letting his arms shudder from the force of their extension. Alec's throat bobbed in a thick swallow and he turned his attention back to the buttons of his shirt, smoothing his hand down the fabric as he finished off the last of the clasps.

"You don't like what you see?"

Alec smiled softly through a small shake of his head, just disbelieving of Magnus's flirtatious attitude this morning. "Don't tease. You know I do."

"Then come back to bed."

Again, Alec shook his head. "I can't, sweetheart. I've got work to do."

There was a creak of bedsprings and Alec glanced around to trail Magnus's wander over to him. He'd been lying to Jace, as it turns out, and was in fact wearing underwear: a pair of black boxer shorts. Nothing else though. He swayed up to Alec and wrapped his arms up around the back of his neck. The kiss was soft and sleepy and, when they broke, Magnus let his head rest in the gap where Alec's neck joined his shoulder.

"You know I love those pet names you keep coming up with," Magnus mumbled.

"I know you do, that's why I said it."

Magnus sighed softly, pressing as close as possible up against Alec. "Stay?" he requested once more, almost a plea this time.

It took every ounce of Alec's willpower to shake his head. Again, Magnus sighed. Alec hated how disappointed that sound was, and he pressed his fingers beneath Magnus's chin to tilt his head back, kissing him again, deeper now than before. Magnus pushed up against him, lips trying to chase him as he pulled away.

"I'll start organising some time away from the institute," Alec promised in a whisper, his hand combing absently through Magnus's hair. "Okay? I'll get Jace familiar with all the assignments and ask him to act as head while I'm away. When you feel up to portalling, we can take that trip to Iceland. Just you and me, no phones, no distractions."

Magnus smiled up at him. "You mean that?"

"Of course," said Alec, running the pad of his thumb along Magnus's jaw. "You're the most important part of my life. I know it's not always clear, but don't ever forget that, okay?"

Magnus's eyes were wide and he parted his lips, but the doorknob twisted before he could reply, and both men glanced around to see Isabelle poke her head into the room.

"Hey, sorry," she apologised immediately, seeing their position in one another's arms. Alec couldn't help but be irritated at the constant interruptions they received at the institute and found himself longing for the solitude of Magnus's loft. Isabelle glanced to her brother. "You ready? She's here."

Alec nodded quickly. "Ready." He kissed Magnus's forehead as he pulled away. "Go back to bed, okay?"

Magnus nodded and Isabelle cast him a wink as she opened the door for her brother to come through. "That's a good look on you," she teased, nodding down to his underwear.

"Why thank you," Magnus chuckled.

Alec ushered at him sternly through the open door. "Go back to sleep."

"Alexander—"

Waving a hand, Alec cut him off, gesturing to Magnus and then pointing to the bed. "You need to rest, okay? Get your strength back. I'll see you later."

He pulled the door shut without waiting for Magnus to argue. Beckoning his sister along, Alec set off down the corridor, absently fixing the unruly collar of his shirt as he walked, smoothing it down beneath his fingers. Isabelle hurried up alongside him, a grin lighting her expression. Alec knew that look all too well.

"So, I hear Jace caught you and Magnus this morning as well," Isabelle gossiped, the smile never fading from her face. "I'm pleased. It's about time you let yourself be seen like that with him."

"What? Almost naked?"

"No, I mean intimately… at the institute."

Alec nodded, his mood dropping a little as he remembered how afraid he had been to come out to anyone, even Isabelle, even himself, and how ashamed his parents were when he admitted his feelings. He understood now why Magnus was so stubbornly proud of himself, why he flaunted his magic and his sexuality. Part of him longed to be so carefree.

"I never want to have to hide that part of myself," realised Alec aloud. "I don't want to hide Magnus because I'm not… I'm not ashamed of him, Izzy. I love him."

"Oh, I know," Isabelle agreed, practically beaming now. "And I know he loves you too. I'm so happy for you, Alec."

Alec cast her an appreciative glance. At least he always had her support; he always had and he knew he always would.

Their mother was waiting in the Ops Centre. She seemed to grow lighter as she saw them approach, a smile crossing her lips. Alec supposed he was the only one she hadn't seen yet, and shared her smile as his mother embraced him warmly, so different now than only a few months prior.

"I heard about the demon assignment" she revealed, concern furrowing her brow as she pulled back from the hug, squeezing Alec's shoulder. "How's Magnus doing?"

Alec nodded. "He's fine. He's just staying at the institute to rest for a few days while his magic recovers. It really took a lot out of him."

Maryse looked as though she might say something further, but Alec waved a subtle hand to cut her off. He had spotted Magnus drifting out into the Ops Centre. He was clothed now in his usual, handsome attire, but he seemed dazed almost, squinting at the lights, a hand running absently through his hair to comb any unruly locks into place. Lifting a hand seemed to get his attention and Magnus was at his side in seconds, smiling politely at Alec's mother, clearly uncertain how he would be received.

"You didn't have to get up," said Alec, gently running a hand across his boyfriend's shoulder. "You could have gone back to sleep. It's important that you rest so you can get your strength back."

"Alexander, relax," Magnus soothed, reaching to lightly grasp his hand in turn. "I'm fine. You don't need to worry about me."

Maryse quirked him a gentle smile. "How are you finding life at the institute?"

Magnus dipped his gaze briefly and Alec squeezed his hand in empathetic support as his boyfriend forced a smirk. "It's certainly never dull. Shadowhunters… you're all so busy."

A commotion at the door distracted Alec and the others turned to follow his gaze as his attention fixed on the entrance.

To the surprise of his children and the carefully concealed dismay of his ex-wife, Robert Lightwood marched his way into the institute, a swarm of Clave guards at his back. There must have been at least fifteen armed escorts with him. Many had their seraph blades already drawn, as if expecting a confrontation.

Alec frowned softly, coming forward to greet his father and his, seemingly unnecessary, myriad of guards. "Hey, what's going on?" he asked, disliking the heavy look on his father's face as he halted before his son. There was no anger in his words, just a genuine curiosity. "I didn't hear anything about a Clave visit. Did something happen?"

Robert regarded him a moment, indifferent to his questions, before waving a hand to his escort. "Seize him."

It was after Alec took a step back in shock that he realised it wasn't him his father was arresting. Guards pushed past him to cuff runed shackles around Magnus's wrists. Magnus frowned and squirmed in the restraints, defiant queries lost in the blood rush drowning Alec's ears. A stele cracked across the cuffs and Magnus cried out in pain as the symbols glowed hotly, sending him slamming down to his knees. His finger's crackled with crimson sparks but they died before anything could be done.

"Magnus!" Alec called, shaking himself from the daze, trying to get to him but two other clave members held him back. He glanced to his father, who watched Magnus with an expression so void of emotion that it sent terror to Alec's heart. "Dad, what are you doing? Let him go!"

"He's done nothing wrong!" Jace yelled and Alec glanced back to see him trying to come to the aid of his parabatai but he too was restrained. Like Alec, it took two guards to hold him back.

"You have no right to do this!" Isabelle made her input, wise enough to remain stationary for the time being.

"Magnus is innocent," Clary snapped, complying with a hand on her shoulder from one of The Clave. "Let him go!"

"I'm afraid that's not possible," Robert replied, no hint of sympathy or regret in his eyes. Alec swallowed thickly, his blood running liquid ice through his veins because stubbornness came genetically for Lightwoods and his father's tone held no room for argument. "He's far from innocent. Mr Bane has challenged The Clave and he must face the consequences."

"Because I didn't give you a necromancy spell?" Magnus hissed, glaring up at Robert.

"What?" Alec gasped, turning his attention on his father.

"Silence!"

The runes burned white hot in the manacles and Magnus hunched forward with a scream of pain, just barely kept from completely collapsing by the men that held him. A collective wince shuddered among his friends because none of them had ever heard the warlock sound like that. Alec stared with eyes blown wide in fear as Magnus heaved for breath, his body shuddering with every strained inhale.

"The warlock will be held in the cells below the institute for questioning," stated Robert coldly.

"No!" Alec screamed, fighting against the men that restrained him as he tried to run to Magnus. "No, you can't do this! Magnus!"

He could hear others clamouring in the background, Jace and Clary and Isabelle all shouting and rioting against The Clave, but they were held back too. Another guard had to assist with controlling Alec. Finally, in desperate desire to help her son, Alec's mother ran forward, gripping her ex-husband's arm.

"Robert, this is madness," Maryse insisted desperately. "I beg you to reconsider." Robert turned to her, emotionless. "Look at what you're doing; this cannot be justice. If you do this, know that you will lose us forever. Alec, Isabelle, Jace… They will never forgive this. You will be breaking Alec's heart, Robert. Please, if anything, you have to care about your son still—"

"The decision is final as it is just," Robert snapped heatedly, barely glancing to the warlock as he delivered the devastating sentence. "The Clave has commanded that you be questioned until the required information is gained. It will be in your best interest to comply. Afterwards, you will be transferred to Idris to serve your sentence." He lifted his chin. "Magnus Bane, you have been charged with the corruption of shadowhunters and refusal to adhere to the accords. The sentence is death."

"No!" Alec yelled, fighting against his captors, managing to force them to stagger forward at the strength with which he fought them.

Magnus took in shaking breaths, his face draining of colour, his eyes of light, as shadowhunters hauled him to his feet. "Alexander..." he whispered, almost a sob, tears already catching his eyelashes from the terror of his sentence and the pain of his shackles.

"Take him away," Robert ordered coldly.

Filled with new determination when faced with the inevitability of Magnus being taken from him, Alec ground out a shout of defiance, slamming the back of his head into the face of one of the men holding him. There was a crack and a hissed curse and Alec broke one arm free. He kicked back sharp against the shin of the other and elbowed the last in the nose.

He ran to Magnus, hearing more shadowhunters right on his heels, taking his chance to grab his boyfriend's face with both hands and kissing him hard. Magnus pushed up against him, as desperate for contact as Alec was, stealing this kiss in the midst of tragedy.

It didn't last.

Shadowhunters grabbed Alec's arms and Magnus sobbed as he was ripped away.

"Alexander—"

"Magnus, I love you!" Alec called desperately, still fighting even while people were dragging them apart. "I love you! I'll fix this, I promise! I swear to you, I'll get you out of this!"

They kept their eyes on each other as Magnus was dragged into the elevator, Alec whispering mindless comforts under his breath as if his boyfriend could hear him from so far away. He couldn't shout anymore; the tears would break if he tried to raise his voice. Magnus swallowed thickly and bowed his head. His eyes closed.

The expression of utter defeat was the last thing Alec saw before the elevator doors slid shut and Magnus was lost from his sight.


	4. Chapter 4

Alec couldn't breathe.

Magnus was gone; he was gone, the guards had taken him away. Robert hadn't even explained why. _Why?_ Something Magnus had refused to do that The Clave had asked of him, something about necromancy. Magnus hadn't given them a necromancy spell so they were going to kill him.

There was an eerie silence in the aftermath of all the screaming. All of Alec's screams.

Hands touched him and he pushed them away unthinkingly, just numb, too numb for contact because someone else touching him felt wrong when he was so empty. His eyes lifted blankly to see it was Isabelle in front of him. The guards were gone and his sister stared at him in tearful sympathy, panic behind her eyes that let Alec know that she hadn't known a thing about this either.

Magnus was gone and his chest was too tight. Somehow it was hard to breathe without him. Alec swallowed against the lump in his throat, inhaling to ease the weight on his chest, but all in vain. He needed to collapse; his legs were too stubborn to let him on the floor. So he just stood there, the crushing numbness spreading like a disease through his limbs.

"Alec!"

The voice commanded him to turn, staring at his father with empty eyes. Robert Lightwood beckoned him forward, turning to march towards the office.

Such a compelling rage struck Alec then. The audacity of this man who called himself his father. To shackle and sentence Magnus right in front of him, to drag him away even as he cried for Alec, and then to order his son into following him. It was too much.

"Alec," Isabelle whispered, so much softer than their father, but Alec pushed her away.

He strode forward, blatantly ignoring Jace and Clary as they tried to rush into comforting him, brushing past his mother who tried to touch his arm in a show of support, and tailed his father down the corridor. The door to his office was open. Alec turned to close it once he was inside, palm pressed flat against the surface.

"Alec—"

"Do not speak to me," snapped Alec, turning on his father in a blind rage. It all flooded out then because they were alone and it was his fault that they had taken Magnus away. It was his fault. "I am the head of this institute, not you. You had no right to come in here and implement Clave orders without my knowledge."

"You are not the head of the institute anymore. I am under orders to take command while this is sorted," revealed Robert, his tone cold and insensitive. "Besides, if I had told you, then you would have tried to stop me."

Alec swallowed hard, that simple movement almost pushing the tears up. He didn't even care about losing command; that meant nothing to him now. "I _did_ try to stop you," he whispered, then shook his head. "Why…? Why would you do that? Magnus didn't do anything to you."

His father gave him a measured look. "You don't know him, Alec. Not really. If you knew all the things he had done, then you would understand why The Clave issued the order for his arrest. He's the son of a greater demon and he's had this coming for a long time."

For a moment, Alec could do nothing but stare at his father. The main issue that Robert had brought up about Magnus was that his father was a greater demon, which had absolutely nothing to do with Magnus as his own person. From what Alec had seen of Magnus, from what he knew of the man he fell in love with, Magnus was nothing like his father.

"What did The Clave ask him for?"

Robert glanced away; his jaw set in a hard line. "That's above your jurisdiction."

"Magnus is my boyfriend," said Alec, a firmness to his tone to match his father's. He refused to give ground so easily. "I deserve to know why you're going to slaughter him like a goddamn animal. Or is it just because he's a downworlder?"

"He _was _your boyfriend," Robert muttered, fixing him with a hard stare.

Alec clenched his jaw, lifting his hand to point aggressively at his father, struggling to rein in his anger. "You don't decide my choices. Magnus is my boyfriend and you arresting him doesn't change that. I love him more than anyone in this world. Him refusing to do necromancy for you doesn't stop me loving him, it stops me loving you." He took in a shaking breath. "Any respect I still had for you is gone. You're nothing to me."

A hint of distress entered his father's eyes for a moment. "You would choose a downworlder over your own father?"

"Yes," said Alec. There was no question. "Magnus would never do anything to hurt me, but you seem to have no problem with killing part of me. That's what you'll be doing if you kill Magnus. I will never love again and I will never recover from it. If you ever felt any love for me, then you'll stop this and you'll release him."

Robert regarded him a moment, his gaze heavy. "I can't."

"Then we're done here."

Alec moved to open the door, holding it open and stepping aside, a clear invitation for his father to leave. Clearly understanding that Alec would not be swayed, Robert gave a resigned sigh.

"I will always do what's best for you, Alec. I hope you come to realise that."

"Get. Out."

Robert complied and Alec slammed the door shut behind him.

* * *

Despite his father's immovable position, Alec was not ready to simply give up. Not on Magnus.

He combed through his office for books regarding Clave guidelines and regulations, stacking them up on his desk and, when he was satisfied that he had separated them all, sat down to begin what he knew could be days of fruitless reading. No one disturbed him for at least an hour, wisely giving him a moment of space before trying to offer their sympathies. Alec didn't want their sympathy, but he could definitely do with their help.

The first was Jace.

His parabatai gave the door a hesitant knock and Alec called his permission to enter. Jace didn't even speak. He took one look at Alec, one at the books scattered across his desk, and came forward to take one off the top of a precarious tower. Alec watched him as he sat to read. Some kind of warmth touched his chest then, easing the pain marginally.

The door went again a few hours later, but this time Jace stood to answer it. Alec didn't look up; he could recognise his mother's voice well enough. Jace murmured something in return, his tone low and quiet, and Alec couldn't make out the words from either of them. When the door closed, Alec was alone again. That was fine; he didn't need Jace to read for him.

Instead of abandoning him as Alec had feared, his parabatai returned barely minutes later with Isabelle at his back. Alec glanced up as his sister wandered over to him, her eyes heavy with grief and sympathy as she leaned in to kiss the crown of her brother's head. A show of support. A promise. She picked out a book and boosted herself up to perch on the edge of his desk, legs dangling absently as she began flicking through the thin pages in search for the information that they so desperately needed.

They sat like that for an age, stubbornly focused, sifting through book after book as the sun travelled its arch across the sky, bouncing shafts of sunlight around the office. No one said a word when Alec shook his head at the offer of lunch. They understood that he was too engrossed in his work to do much else, even eat. It was when he refused to come to dinner that they began to fret.

It was Clary who had come in with the dinner reminder, her eyes red and puffed as if she'd just finished crying, and Isabelle and Jace were on their feet when Alec muttered that they should go on without him. Even though he was scanning a copy of the accords, he saw the trio exchange anxious glances in his peripheral.

"We can bring you something," Clary offered, kind-hearted and worrisome as always even in her grief.

Alec shook his head. "No, thanks."

Footsteps padded soft against the floor and Alec glanced up as Jace's hand came to clutch his shoulder, squeezing gently. "Hey, come on. You haven't eaten anything all day… You're not helping him by starving yourself," he coaxed, and Alec glanced away, ashamed of his transparency. "Alec, please, you need your strength."

Alec stubbornly refused to meet his gaze, feeling more and more like some petulant child with every passing second. "I'm not hungry."

"Alec," Isabelle urged, stepping forward to lean her hands against his desktop. "We'll get him back. You need to eat something."

Remaining silent this time, Alec simply shook his head, too wrecked to do much else. He returned to his research, but found he couldn't even concentrate on the pages of accords laid out in front of him. The letters swam before his eyes.

It was a waste of time, trying to find some mistake in his father's accusations; deep down, he knew that. No downworlder had ever been decided innocent because they didn't get trials. They didn't get appeals; there was nothing lawful they could do to fix this because downworlders weren't people to The Clave, they were just demons.

In a frenzied rage, he swept the book from the table, hands clutching into his hair.

"This is useless!" he lamented, his grief spilling out into anger. "They can't break the accords because they made the damn accords! Everything in here just supports The Clave!"

"Alec," said Isabelle, striding around the desk to clutch his shoulder and force him to face her. She was the only one brave enough to say what they had all been thinking. "You won't find a lawful way to get Magnus out of this. If The Clave has decided to kill him, then he's dead. You know that. He's only safe as long as he doesn't tell them anything, and you know what happens if he won't comply with questioning."

Alec glanced away, closing his eyes. He didn't even want to think about that. The Clave acted so high and mighty, but they were fickle at best, and more than happy to twist the rules to breaking point in order to get what they wanted. If Magnus didn't tell them what they wanted to hear, they wouldn't just keeping asking him questions; they would torture him for the answers.

He rubbed his hands against his head, surely mussing his hair. "What do I do?" he muttered, staring up at his sister with wide eyes, desperate for someone to come up with all the answers. "I can't help him. Trying to break him out of the cells… dad knows I might try it. I can't put Magnus at risk like that."

"Alec, you're not alone," assured Clary gently. "We all want to help you. I know I personally owe Magnus so much."

"We all do," agreed Jace.

"Besides, he's family," Isabelle stated firmly. "We won't give up on him."

Their words sent tears to Alec's eyes and he angled his face away to push them back, fingers rubbing at his eyes. "Okay," he agreed, accepting their assistance gratefully. "What do we do?"

* * *

Their plan was a simple one. One that required a certain level of improvisational acting on both Alec and Jace's part. For this to work—for them to get Magnus out of the cell and to safety—they had to feign a realistic argument. It would be difficult for them to go against one another, even if it was just theatrics. They were parabatai after all.

They were playing a long game and Alec feared that the time it could take for it to play out would mean that they wouldn't be in time to save Magnus. Still, he'd be damned if he didn't try. For Magnus.

So, with a heavy heart, Alec approached the permanent Clave guard stationed at the elevator.

"What do you want?" she asked, not unkindly.

"I have to see Magnus."

"I'm sorry, but that isn't possible," the guard was gracious enough to apologise to him for forbidding this basic request. "Your father was very clear on his instructions. I can't let anyone through who has been compromised by this... incident. Particularly not you."

Alec clenched his jaw. "You don't understand. I need to see him."

She stared at him a moment, no resentment in her gaze but no sympathy there either, infuriatingly neutral. "You're not the head of this institute anymore... You don't get to make demands."

There were soft footsteps and Alec glanced to see Jace emerge from his observing position. A feigned pity was pinching his expression. Alec wondered briefly how much of it was Jace playing his role, wondered if Jace did pity his situation. His sympathy certainly wouldn't be misplaced. Alec was pitiful at this point.

"Hey," his parabatai soothed. "I know you think you're doing right, but you're just making things worse. Come away, alright?"

Alec clenched his jaw. "Don't pretend you care," he growled and there was some hurt in Jace's eyes at those words. "You never cared about Magnus. Always so wrapped up in Clary. Neither of you bothered to help when they took him, none of you even tried! I was the only one fighting, because I'm the only one who cares what happens to him!"

The commotion of raised voices had attracted Robert's attention. Both of them caught him wandering closer in their peripheral, carefully keeping a safe distance as if he didn't want to interrupt, as if he wanted to see where this argument was going. The bait was set. They just had to convince him to take it.

"Alec," Jace murmured, a hand settling to his shoulder. "This isn't you, okay? You aren't this dismissive of rules. The law is hard, but it is the law, and Magnus had broken the accords. Whatever you think you feel for him, it can't be stronger than your loyalty to your family."

Alec threw him off, glaring at his parabatai in only a half-feigned rage. "You don't know anything about my feelings," he snarled.

His eyes stung as he turned to storm away, shoving past his father when Robert moved forward to speak with him. _Not me,_ Alec's thoughts urged. Robert had to go to Jace or this was all for nothing. He didn't look back, didn't stop until he had reached his room and slammed the door shut behind him.

Half-collapsing, his forehead pressed against the wooden surface, palms pushed flat against it. Emotion flooded him then and he didn't try to hold it back.

The sobs left him as breathy gasps, tight-chested as the tears rolled down his cheeks. Allowing his legs to give out, he turned to let his back slide down the door, sitting with an elbow resting on a lifted knee, a hand up to shield his face. No one had to see him here; no one had to know how broken he really was. He let himself cry because there was nothing else that he could do. He couldn't save Magnus; he couldn't do anything.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, staring up at the ceiling through blurry eyes. "Magnus, I'm so sorry."

With that hollow apology into the darkness, Alec buried his face in his hands and wept.

* * *

Back in the Ops Centre, Jace watched after Alec, a heavy feeling in his chest. He knew Alec was just pretending, just trying to sell their argument as truth so Robert would question their alliances, but there were things Alec had said that got him wondering. All good lies were sewn in truth.

Robert's eyes followed Alec to and, for a moment, it seemed as though he was about to follow his son. The initial panic eased from Jace's mind as Robert turned to him, wandering over with a frown plastered across his features.

"I assumed you would be on Alec's side," Robert pondered aloud. "Back when the warlock was taken you stood for him."

Jace glanced to him. He had to sell this, he had to. "I _am_ on Alec's side," he agreed. "That's why I argued for Magnus originally, but I can see now that Alec's not… himself. He can't see what's for the best. He hasn't been the same since Magnus met him."

All good lies were sewn in truth. Alec had changed since he'd met Magnus, it was true, just not the way Robert would see it. Robert would see the negatives, the way his son had defied orders and duty and reputation to chase some downworlder. The truth was that Alec had changed for the better. Jace had never seen him happier than he was with Magnus.

"You think… the warlock has corrupted him?"

Jace feigned a frown. "I thought that was one of the crimes you charged him for."

Robert seemed to realise his mistake. "Well, yes… Yes, I was just surprised you had noticed. I thought your parabatai bond may have blinded you to the truth as well. It's a… a powerful and manipulative magic that this warlock has."

It was so difficult not to leap to defend his brother's boyfriend, but Jace held his tongue. "He is a downworlder," he forced himself to say the words. They felt bitter in his mouth. "His demon blood means he's blinded by his impulses. Warlock's think they're so clever; they always underestimate our intelligence."

Robert seemed pleased by his discriminative words. "I'm glad you weren't drawn in." He sighed softly. "Alec wasn't so fortunate."

Biting the inside of his cheek, Jace forced himself to take a silent breath, forced the emotion from his eyes and his voice. "You know I'd do anything to help Alec. He's my parabatai and my brother. If I have to break his heart before I can save him, then so be it. I know why you sentenced Magnus and I want you to know that I support your decisions."

"Thank you, Jace," Robert spoke his gratitude with a soft tilt of his head. "I'm pleased to know that I have someone on my side."

With that acknowledgement of his feigned loyalties, Jace knew that he had earned Robert's trust. The plan was in motion. The bait was taken. All he had to do now was choose his moment.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N - Sorry for being late updating; exam season and all that.**

**I wanted to say a quick mid(ish)-story thank you to anyone who's favourited, followed, reviewed, or even just read this story. I really appreciate and I'm motivated by the support, so thank you!**

**Torture warning for the first section**

* * *

"Shall we try this again?"

Magnus gritted his teeth, his whole body shuddering with every strained inhale. He had believed that Maryse was the parent that he would have most issue with, but that was a clear oversight apparently. Robert had insisted on 'questioning' the warlock himself. Despite everything stated in the accords, Magnus was being tortured in clave custody. If Alec knew what was happening...

Magnus closed his eyes. Alec knew. It was clear from the moment they had cuffed him with those runes, but Magnus was still here and Alec hadn't burst in to rescue him. It wasn't like last time.

Prior to his arrest, he had been taken down to one of the cells below the institute; an environment he knew all too well from his time trapped in Valentine's body. The guards had shoved him into an iron chair and bound his wrists to the arms and his ankles to the legs with the runed shackles. One of them had stayed to question him and when Magnus hadn't given them the answer they wanted, Robert Lightwood was sent in.

The question was always the same.

"Can you perform the spell or not?"

"I already told you, I don't know," Magnus answered in complete honesty, wondering how many times he would have to repeat himself before Robert understood. "I've never attempted to raise the dead and, to be honest, I never wanted to try..." His gaze lifted to the shadowhunter. "Please, listen to reason. What you're asking me to do... it's not safe—"

The stele flashed across his shackles and a surge of pain racked Magnus's body like a seizure. He couldn't help but scream. His throat was hoarse when Robert showed a hint of mercy and removed the stele, and Magnus slumped in the chair, bowed forward as he fought in wheezing gasps.

It had gone like this for hours now. Magnus wasn't sure how long he could bear the burn of the agony runes.

"Please..." he whispered desperately, shaking now from the effort it took to scream. "Please, I don't know... I don't know how to do the spell..."

"Then who does?"

Magnus swallowed hard, shaking his head. As much grief as she had given him over the years, he couldn't betray her. He would not hand one of his own kind over to The Clave. He screamed when the pain came again. His mind threatened to waver and, in his desperation, he used whatever remained of his strength to force it away from his dark past and into better times.

Dark hair and a coy smile overtook his thoughts. A cut on his cheek from his bowstring, a dark rune burned over the side of his neck, black clothes scattered carelessly across the floor. The pain was over but he couldn't bring himself back.

"Alec..." he breathed out over and over like a prayer, pleading almost, like Alec could stop this, like Alec could save him. "Alec... Alec..."

"Tell me who can perform a necromancy spell."

Magnus had to stifle a moan at the thought of enduring another bout. He shook his head and the movement scattered tears down his cheeks.

"You don't know or you won't tell me?"

He didn't speak.

The stele struck the shackles again and his head snapped back, staring sightlessly up at the ceiling.

"Alec!" he cried out, seeing only the shadowhunter, feeling only agony, begging him to make it stop. "Alec!"

"Alec will not come. He understands the law. My son is a man of honour and he will not sully himself with you any longer."

The agony eased away and Magnus hunched forward, shuddering in his restraints. He choked on his own tears. Desperate sobs broke from his throat and heaved his chest. Rationally, he knew he shouldn't let Robert's words get to him. The pain and promise in Alec's voice when Magnus had first been taken should have been enough to prove that the shadowhunter had not abandoned him.

_Alec's not here,_ he had to remind himself over and over. _Alec's not here, but he will come._

"I know you did something to him," said Robert unexpectedly, causing Magnus to lift his head and blink up at him through the tears. "My son would never have defied orders for his own, selfish reasons. Your magic is powerful. It would be easy for you to concoct some kind of love charm."

Magnus choked on a scoff of disbelief, staring at the shadowhunter with wide eyes. "Is it so… difficult for you to imagine that Alec is making his own choices?" he asked, breath shuddering in a weak chuckle that sounded closer to a sob. "Alec is good. He's brave and kind… He is anything but selfish." His eyes hardened, swallowing thickly as he prepared for Robert to lash out. "He is nothing like you."

The physical assault was unexpected and Magnus's head was slammed to the side, reeling from the sheer force of the fist that Robert flung at his jaw. Blood filled his mouth and he spat it onto the floor.

"How dare you mock me," hissed the shadowhunter. "You're a downworlder. You're nothing. After your execution, your spell over Alec will be broken and he will resent you for what you did." He looked thoughtful for a moment. "If you were to tell me how to break the enchantment… I could make an appeal for your execution to be withdrawn. You would simply be imprisoned. You wouldn't have to die if you admit to me that Alec feels no real love for you."

Magnus swallowed, wincing against the metallic tang of blood. "You know I haven't enchanted him," he murmured, realising aloud. "You're asking me to force Alec out of love… You want me to use my powers on him."

"Can you do it, or not?"

Magnus's eyes narrowed into a glare. "I will never use my magic to harm Alexander in any way. The fact that you're asking me to do it is all the motivation I need to keep fighting you. If I have to die for Alec to see your lies, then so be it, but I will _not_ use my powers against him."

Robert stared him down, something like resignation entering his gaze. "Then you condemn yourself."

The stele glowed and cracked against the shackles, and Magnus threw his head back in a screaming sob.

* * *

To say that Robert made a mistake in checking on Alec was an understatement.

Having been called into the office that now belonged to Robert, Alec, Isabelle, and Clary were all painfully aware that Robert had just come from Magnus's cell. There was no need, but he had taken it upon himself to question the warlock. Alec couldn't help but feel personally victimised by that.

Jace wasn't with them; he couldn't be seen around them right now. He had to keep up the façade of siding himself with The Clave. Alec felt unstable without him and lost without Magnus.

"The warlock has refused to adhere to questioning," Robert informed, meeting their glares with a carefully neutral gaze. "He will not confess to breaking the accords. He won't tell me how to break whatever enchantment he has placed over you, Alec."

"Magnus has never used his magic to do anything but help me," Alec growled. "I am not enchanted. I love him because I decided to love him."

The pitying look Robert cast him then had Alec clenching his fists so hard that his knuckles turned white against the table. The fact that Robert believed Alec was under some kind of spell was bad enough, but to use that to explain his coming out and his love of Magnus was crossing a line that should never be crossed. Alec wanted to scream at him, but he feared it would just digress into sobs if he tried to raise his voice.

"What will you do?" Isabelle asked, a tightness to her voice. "If he won't answer any of your questions—"

"The Clave has certain… methods to convince their prisoners into compliance."

Alec clenched his jaw. "If you're hurting him—"

"The runes will break him," Robert muttered. "We'll learn the truth."

The rage blinded him then, red mist settling across his vision and Alec ground out a yell. His body moved without his consent. When his vision cleared, he had his father pressed against the wall, a blade testing at his throat.

"Alec, no!" Isabelle shouted, rushing to grab his arm but she couldn't force him away. "Alec—"

"You're enjoying this, aren't you?" Alec hissed, tears stinging his eyes. They fell quickly but he didn't try to push them away; he kept his dagger at Robert's throat, so close to drawing blood that the slightest additional pressure would split the skin. "You think you're teaching me some kind of lesson because you think I made a mistake, but you're wrong. I love him more than anything. I love him and you can't take that from me; you can never have that!"

Robert eyed the blade a moment before lifting his gaze back to his son. "Alec, there is sufficient evidence to believe that you have been enchanted by this warlock. You'll see. Once we've executed him, the spell will be broken and you'll see I was right."

"If you touch him," whispered Alec, barely a breath, "I will kill you. Do you understand me?"

"Alec," Isabelle insisted, and two sets of hands managed to pull him back, Clary coming up on his other side. "This won't help him."

Isabelle wrestled the blade from his hand, discarding it to the side so she could hold her brother.

"Your behaviour is proof enough that you are under this warlock's power," Robert insisted, and Alec despaired to be told that it was he who had condemned Magnus. "I will force the warlock to tell me how the free you… If he doesn't comply within the next twenty-four hours, then he will be executed. We will have to hope that this spell dies with him."

* * *

Alec did not take the news well.

Retreating to Alec's bedroom, they had speculated that Robert's threat of execution was just theatrics. However, Jace—who had slipped in to see them a couple of hours after Robert's visit—had gathered intelligence from the Clave guard that it was, in fact, a genuine plan. There was outrage from Isabelle and subdued grief from Clary, but Alec said nothing. He stared blankly at the floor; his brow furrowed slightly as if struggling to process the information. Jace felt nothing but numbness from his parabatai bond and a swell of pity touched his chest.

"Alec," Jace murmured, when Isabelle had finished her initial rant, and the silence stretched out too long.

"We have to move before the transfer," Alec muttered, his voice too void of emotion. "If they get him to Idris then we'll never have a chance." He pushed himself to his feet, meeting Jace's anxious gaze levelly. "I'll never be allowed down to the detention level, but you could use your position with Robert to get to Magnus without being challenged."

Isabelle waved a hand. "Wait, you expect Jace to be able to get Magnus out of there by himself?"

"No," Alec muttered. "I'm going with him."

A heavy silence met his words. No one wanted to speak out against him, not when he was like this.

"How exactly do you expect to get down there?" Isabelle asked, crossing her arms, clearly struggling not to be hostile. "You're not exactly Team Clave. You've been fighting to get Magnus freed since he was taken and dad knows it; he thinks you're under a spell. He won't trust you."

Alec hummed his agreement, turning back to open one of the drawers of the desk. Pulling out a roll of parchment, he spread it out across the table top, pinning the corners with heavy books and beckoning the others over. His fingers traced across the paper, using gestures to illustrate his words.

"This is the complete blueprints for the building," he informed. "Only the head of the institute gets to see it." He tapped to one of the designs. "This is the detention level, where Magnus is."

"Wait, what's this?" Clary asked, pointing to parallel blue lines across the design.

"It's an emergency exit," Alec stated. "Sort of. It's a passage leading from the lower levels of the institute out into the city. It's hidden beneath the floor of the elevator and it comes out at Wall Street Station. I'll go through that entrance and meet Jace on the other side. We'll take Magnus out that way."

"Why haven't we used this before?" Clary asked.

"Because our father knows about the tunnel," Isabelle muttered, closing her eyes. "He knows Alec has seen the blueprints. He'll have the passageway guarded." She glanced up to her brother. "What are you going to do? Kill the guards?"

Alec swallowed hard. "If I have to."

Isabelle shook her head. "No, I'll go. You stay here and distract dad."

The two stared at one another, Alec's stunned eyes meeting his sister's defiant glare.

"Izzy, they're torturing him," said Alec, his eyes taking on some painful glaze. "Right beneath our feet, they're hurting him and you're telling me I can't do anything?"

"I know how difficult this is," Isabelle soothed, her gaze softening marginally. She took her brother's arm and squeezed gently. "I understand how much he means to you. That's why I can't let you do this." Alec looked as though he would argue again. "You're not in your right mind. I won't let you kill shadowhunters to get to Magnus. I won't let you."

Alec regarded her a long moment before, surprising everyone, he gave a soft nod. As much as he wanted to have a role in helping Magnus, Alec knew as well as any of them the lengths that he would be prepared to go to free his boyfriend. He couldn't risk losing control as he had done with Robert. Isabelle was right; he could kill someone.

"Okay," agreed Alec, forcing his voice to remain light although deep down he was despairing. "Jace, you'll use your position with Robert to get down to the detention level and find Magnus. Isabelle will clear the tunnel for you to get through. Take Magnus back to the apartment."

He chewed his lower lip a moment in deep thought, his gaze flitting across to Clary, who looked despondent at having no part to play.

"Clary," he muttered and she glanced to him expectantly. "I'm going to need you."


	6. Chapter 6

Moonlight sifted between the thrown-open curtains, casting soft squares of light across the room. The night was clear, yet the light pollution of New York blocked many stars from view, only the brightest of them managing to shine through the artificial lighting of the never-sleeping city.

Magnus sat on the edge of the bed, staring up at the sky. His glamour was down and his heart was light. Glancing behind him, he saw Alec sleeping soundly in the bed, hair mussed against the pillow, mouth hanging open in not-quite-snores. Magnus had the strangest feeling of déjà vu, though he couldn't quite place the sense.

He resumed his stargazing. Every one of them, he knew by name, courtesy of some half-forgotten mundane lover. They had spent hours at a time lying on their backs, watching the stars, and Magnus had been awestruck by her arcane knowledge of the night sky; knowledge that he had learned and stubbornly held on to, even as his memory of her faded over time.

The mattress dipped slightly beneath him and there were arms around him, Alec draping himself sleepily over one of the warlock's shoulders, head resting in the crook of his neck.

"Why are you awake?" he mumbled, pressing a kiss to the underside of Magnus's jaw. "Can't sleep?"

"Something like that," chuckled Magnus, wrapping an arm around Alec's waist as the shadowhunter settled against his side. "You should go back to sleep. You'll have another long day tomorrow."

Alec hummed his acknowledgement, but didn't make a move to clamber back beneath the sheets. "I don't like the thought of you being up by yourself." He sighed softly and turned his head a little, following Magnus's gaze to the sky. "Bet you know all those stars… Probably there when some of them appeared."

"I only recall being taught them," replied Magnus through a soft smile. "All these constellations… they all have a story."

"Will you tell me something?"

Magnus glanced across to the shadowhunter, pressing a kiss to the crown of his head. "Of course, my darling. Anything."

"Tell me which warlock can perform a necromancy spell."

Magnus's brow pinched in confusion and he shook his head. "I… I don't understand."

Agony shattered into his blood and he cried out, watching thick burns circle his wrists, charring into his soft skin and sending thin wisps of smoke into the air. He glanced up to Alec, gasping for breath, but the shadowhunter just stared at him, unmoved by his pain.

"Alexander," he gasped, trying to reach for his boyfriend, trying to grab him, but Alec's form retreated into mist in wake of his touch, dissolving into the air. "Alec!"

A flash of light blinded Magnus's vision and he blinked hard, finding himself squinting down at a cold, linoleum floor. Harsh, artificial lighting affronted his senses. He shifted his hands in the straps, feeling the burns rubbing painfully in the runed shackles, seeing his skin was raw and red where the skin had seared away.

He remembered now. The memory he has forced to the front of his mind had faded with a new onslaught of pain. Alec had looked so beautiful in the moonlight, but Alec wasn't here now; likely he was somewhere upstairs. He hadn't asked about the necromancy spell in the original memory, he'd asked Magnus about his favourite constellation.

Magnus supposed the repeated use of the runes were having a strain on his mind. He lifted his head to the latest shadowhunter assigned to question him, trembling from sheer exhaustion as he sat back in the chair.

"Are you ready to answer my questions now?" she asked, a soft sneer on her lips.

Robert specifically picked shadowhunters who had existing prejudices against downworlders, people who were merciless and cruel just like him. There was no relief, no respite from the relentless torture. In all honesty, Magnus didn't know how long he could hold out before they wrenched Iris's name from him.

Pain struck him again and he cried out a sob, straining desperately against the chains, rattling them against his burnt wrists, tugging the restraints.

"Alec…" he sobbed, gulping in breaths shuddered that with tears. "Alec, please…"

There was a harsh swish that startled Magnus's eyes open, although he didn't recall closing them. The pain subsided as the shadowhunter plucked a fire message from the air, the flames dispersing at the blackened edges. Her gaze rapidly scanned the note.

"Well," she muttered, casting a glance to Magnus. "I suppose we won't need to keep this up any longer."

Magnus frowned softly, heaving for breath as he squinted up at the shadowhunter. "W—Why…?"

"Seems that we've found another warlock who is much more well-known to practice necromancy… Iris Rouse."

Magnus closed his eyes, his head bowing in defeat.

"That's the name you've been concealing, isn't it?" The shadowhunter pocketed the fire message, clicking her tongue as she crouched in front of the bound warlock. "Don't worry… I'll make sure she knows that you betrayed her. You broke under questioning and sold her out to The Clave."

"I didn't," Magnus whispered, almost delirious from the pain, shaking his head and scattering tears from his cheeks. "I didn't…"

He owed Iris nothing, quite the opposite in fact. In truth, he bordered on despising the warlock. As high warlock, however, she was under his care, and he was obligated to protect her.

"Oh, I know you didn't," soothed the shadowhunter. "But she'll believe it when I tell her. She'll break when she hears who you broke." She lifted one shoulder in an absent shrug. "I suppose Robert will be transferring you to Idris as soon as Iris Rouse is captured."

Magnus blinked hard as a jolt of fear rushed into his heart. It was true; with Iris in their grasp, they had no use for him anymore. He would be taken to Idris and slaughtered for a crime he hadn't committed, murdered for corrupting Alec into loving him. When he was dead and Alec's love refused to die, it would be abundantly clear how wrong Robert had been, but it would be too late.

Magnus suspected he would be dead before the day was done. He wished he could have seen Alec again, just once more.

* * *

Alec used his intimate knowledge of the institute to find them a hiding place. It guaranteed a perfect view of the elevator doors, yet secluded enough to hide both Alec and Clary from view. Clary had her seraph blade tucked into the belt of her jeans, undrawn. Alec's bow and quiver were strung across his back, an arrow already prepared in his hand.

Clary's role was demanding; she would need to create a rune that worked against shadowhunters, preventing anyone else from using the elevator once Jace had gotten in. Confident that his position with Robert was one of complete trust, Jace was convinced that he could simply walk into the elevator and go down to the lower levels with no one questioning his position.

It was a risky move, but they were running out of time. Magnus was running out of time.

With bated breath, Alec watched Jace stride his way over to the elevator. Clary was uttering something under her breath, falling into tense silence when the guard held a hand up to Jace, halting him.

"No, no…" Alec muttered.

Jace was talking, but they couldn't hear the words. The guard wore a dubious expression, but he lowered his warning hand and gave Jace a stiff nod, stepping aside to allow him through.

Clary breathed a sigh of relief, reaching back to squeeze Alec's arm. It was done. As long as Clary could seal the doors, and Isabelle could clear the tunnel, and Jace could free Magnus, it would be fine. Alec winced to think at how many variables there were, how much could go wrong in their hurriedly implemented plan.

Jace walked proudly into the elevator, his gaze roaming back and meeting Alec's through the small opening in the darkened closet. The pair exchanged the softest nod just as the doors closed between them.

As soon as that happened, Clary rushed from their hiding place, Alec close behind her. Alec whipped his bow to knock the guard down as Clary immediately began casting her stele over the elevator doors. The commotion triggered a warning shout from their fellow shadowhunters and Alec nocked an arrow, pulling it back to his jawline to face the oncoming rush of Clave guards. Alec's father hurried into the Ops Centre, clearly called from his office at the disturbance.

Alec fired a warning shot to the ground, twisting his head away as the arrow exploded into blinding light, causing the Clave members to stagger backwards, shielding their eyes with strained cries of pain. Another arrow found his bow and Alec aimed directly at his father, who squinted up at him through a weak shield of his fingers.

"Back off!" Alec yelled, shifting his aim to each guard and making them back away slightly, hands held up in surrendering motions.

"Alec, what in the name of the angel are you playing at?" Robert asked, incredulous.

Alec didn't reply. "Clary?" he muttered questioningly.

"I'm close," replied Clary.

Alec supposed he shouldn't be surprised. A confrontation with his father had been inevitable from the start, and Clary had never had to make a warding rune against shadowhunters before. The aim was to make it impossible for shadowhunters to open the elevator doors, in order to give Jace and Isabelle the advantage of enclosure. The fewer guards they had to take down, the more likely it was that they would get Magnus to safety.

"Alec, this is insane," his father chided, stepping forward and Alec shifted his stance warningly. Robert merely stared at him a moment. "You won't shoot me, Alec. You won't kill your own father."

"You lost the right to be anything to me the second you dismissed my choices," said Alec, struggling to keep the tears from flooding his eyes. "If it's because you're homophobic, or just because you hate downworlders, it doesn't matter. Either way, you're trying to break me. No real father would do that to his son."

Robert worked his jaw, eyeing Alec's drawn bow. "All this for a downworlder… for a man…"

The words struck Alec harder than he was expecting. "So it's both?" he asked, his voice coming out smaller than he would have liked.

"At least Isabelle keeps to the right sex," Robert snapped, the words striking into Alec sharper than any blow. "Whatever demon's child she chooses, at least she picks men."

Alec swallowed thickly, his bow lowering unconsciously. "You took Magnus in the hopes that I would stop being gay?"

"Alec, I've got it!" Clary called, and Alec absently turned to look.

There was a new rune seared into the elevator doors.

In that second of distraction, Alec's bow was wrestled from his hands and a heavy weight slammed into his head. Clary screamed his name as he collapsed to his hands and knees, his vision dancing with black spots. He blinked rapidly, squinting as a trickle of heat streamed down his face. His hand lifted to catch the runnel of blood, staring numbly at the crimson stain on his fingers.

Two sets of hands hauled him upright on his knees. A hand clenched into his hair, forcing his head up so his gaze met his fathers. There was a scuffle behind him and Clary's sharp protests as she too was restrained.

"What are we going to do about this, hm?" Robert asked.

"You can kill me," said Alec stiffly, rage coursing through him. "Finally rid yourself of such a disappointing son." He struggled in the guards hold, gritting his teeth. "Come on. Get on with it!"

Robert hesitated.

Something about the silence was terrifying. Alec stared up at his father, wondering if, deep down, Robert did actually hate him enough to kill him. Maybe for the first time, Alec was scared. He had expected his coming out would not be well received, but he had never imagined that his father would want him dead because of his sexuality. He realised now just how brave Magnus was to have flaunted himself so openly, especially when there were those who would see him dead because of it.

It was dangerous to be unconventional, Alec understood that now. The fear just made him more determined. He shouldn't have to feel afraid, no one had any right to make him fear expressing his love.

"That's enough!"

Robert turned at the voice and Alec breathed again.

Underhill came marching forward from the gathering crowd, seraph blade drawn and pointed to the guards that held Alec. There were shadowhunters following him, helping him. The group must have doubled The Clave guards. They drew their blades and warned Robert and his guards back, easing the ones who held Alec and Clary away and herding them back to Robert's side.

"What are you doing?" Robert demanded. "What is this?"

Underhill held a hand to Alec, helping him to his feet, before turning on Robert. "We won't stand for this kind of prejudice. You walked the line when you arrested Magnus, but now you've crossed it by showing us that your only reason was to separate him and Alec. Your hatred came from fear, not from justice."

Robert worked his jaw, realising his damning mistake. Emotions cloud judgement. Alec twisted a bitter smile as he recalled who had first taught him those words. After all those lectures about being wary of love, it was hatred that had outdone his father. Shadowhunters often forgot about hate and fear, as if considering themselves above such pettiness.

For a moment, Alec just stared at Underhill with wide eyes, absently clutching his arm in a show of gratitude. The man nodded in return, eyeing the open cut across Alec's forehead, gently pushing him towards Clary.

"Go," he muttered. "Get Magnus somewhere the Clave don't know, get him to safety. We'll cover you."

Clary immediately whipped her stele up and sketched a rune into the air, bringing a portal rushing into being. Alec caught Underhill's eye. There were so many things he had wanted to say, so many questions he wanted to ask, but there wasn't time. He just gave his fellow shadowhunter a respectful nod.

"Thank you."

With that farewell, Clary grabbed Alec's hand and, with a running start, they leapt through the portal.


	7. Chapter 7

Once in the elevator and travelling down the floors, Jace bowed his head.

Alec and Clary were facing off against The Clave right above him. They all knew that, despite everything, he had the least dangerous task in fulfilling his role as a double-agent. Robert's people could overpower Alec and Clary before Clary could make a portal to escape. Isabelle might not be able to get through the tunnel; they had no idea how heavily guarded it would be.

At least one of his fears was put to rest when the elevator reached the detention level—where Magnus was being kept—and the wall beside him shuddered. Jace braced himself, but, instead of smashing down onto him, the door cracked open at the top and fell outwards from the elevator, revealing a tunnel dimly lit with puttering lamplight.

From within, Isabelle strode over the fallen wall, her serpentine whip sliding back to curl around her wrist.

"Hey," she greeted, casting Jace a soft smile, as if her appearance hadn't been entirely unexpected. "I'm glad it's you and not some Clave guard."

"Did you run into much trouble?"

Isabelle rolled a shoulder back, a movement that suggested a blow had landed there. "Nothing I couldn't handle. There were guards at the entrance, but I knocked them out easily enough. Only two of them… I guess dad didn't really expect us to use the tunnel. Maybe he wasn't even sure if Alec knew about it."

Jace nodded, peering out of the elevator doors to check if the way was clear. Having Isabelle down here would definitely raise some questions if anyone saw her, but there was no one to be seen. It was strange almost; how little security had been stationed. Jace supposed that Robert and his Clave guards were struck with overconfidence in their ploy, expecting to handle any resistance that came from them setting out to sentence Magnus without trial. They were about to be very regretful of their surety.

"It's clear," he muttered, beckoning Isabelle after him as he set off down the entranceway towards the row of cells.

Reaching the end and checking both ways, they found no guards along the hallway, and Jace and Isabelle crept down the cells with ease, searching for the one that Magnus was being held in. A breathy grunt of pain sharpened their attention and the two exchanged a glance, subtly treading quickened steps across the polished floor.

Isabelle held a hand to stop Jace as they reached the stone sidewall of one of the cells, peering round to the glass front. Her breath caught and she waved an affirmative hand to Jace, who began decoding the lock on the door to the prison while Isabelle turned her attention back to the occupants.

Inside was Magnus, shackled to a chair, runes burning across the metal cuffs. He wasn't screaming like when they had first taken him; he just stared up at the ceiling, rigid in the shackles, chest heaving for breath. Tears caught the harsh lights as they streamed down his cheeks.

A shadowhunter stood in front of him, their stele pressed, glowing, against the chains. It eased away and Magnus slumped limp in the chair as the runes died into blankness. His eyes were barely open now, fluttering eyelashes struggling to part. The shadowhunter grabbed his chin, tilting his head up with an unnecessary amount of force.

"You thought this would end, did you?"

Magnus didn't speak; Isabelle wasn't even certain he could speak anymore. She flinched as the shadowhunter slammed a fist into the warlock's jaw, and anger coursed through her that anyone would treat Magnus so harshly. The Clave insisted on adhering to the accords, but here they were torturing downworlders.

The door chimed their entrance and Isabelle spun to follow Jace as he marched into the cell. She went straight for the shadowhunter, knocking them unconscious with a single hard slam against the glass wall of the cell and allowing their body to flop limply to the floor. Turning back, her heart sunk right down to her stomach.

Jace was stood beside Magnus, gently pushing him to sit upright in the chair. Two fingers pressed to his pulse point. Magnus's eyes were shut and he refused to even stir at the contact.

"Jace?" Isabelle asked, unable to mask the fear in her voice.

"He's okay," Jace muttered, though he didn't sound confident. "He's alive."

Magnus moved suddenly, head lolling limply as his chest hitched in a cough that flecked blood across his lips. A grimace of pain crossed his expression. It was not a positive sign. The pain was still there, still present, but perhaps it was simply as a result of his burned wrists rubbing against the shackles.

"Magnus," Isabelle gasped, dropping to her knees to undo the chains around his wrists and ankles. "Magnus, can you hear me?"

The warlock grunted softly, barely conscious, but his eyes cracked open a sliver. Isabelle forced herself not to let her expression show, but she startled briefly to find golden cat's eyes in place of Magnus's deep brown irises. The pain must have been excruciating for him to lose control of his glamour.

"He okay...?" Magnus mumbled through a mouthful of blood.

Isabelle shook her head in confusion. "Who?"

"Alec... 's he okay...?"

Eyes narrowing in grief, Isabelle glanced up to Jace, who absently put a hand to the side of Magnus's head to let him rest against his hip. It was such a simple, powerful display of emotion from her brother and Isabelle cast him a soft look. Magnus wasn't even concerned for himself; he was just worried about Alec.

"He's okay," Jace promised quietly. "He's gone to deal with those bastards who did this to you."

Magnus tensed softly, drawing in a shuddering breath. "Alec..." he whispered, almost as if pleading to the absent shadowhunter. "Alec..."

Isabelle took his hand and squeezed lightly. "Magnus, look at me. He's not here, but Jace and I are, and we're gonna help you, okay?"

Magnus blinked hard, his eyes squeezing shut for a long moment, a new clarity there when they reopened. "Isabelle..."

"There we go," Isabelle encouraged.

She ducked under Magnus's arm to bring it around her shoulders, grabbing his forearm as she stood—carefully avoiding his damaged wrist—and hauling him up in the process. He didn't scream or cry out, physical movement clearly not an irritation of his pain. Jace wrapped an arm around his lower back to support him on the other side as it proved difficult for Isabelle to manoeuvre him alone.

"Magnus, you need to walk, okay?" Jace urged after having to brace a hand against the warlock's chest to stop him from listing forwards.

"I'm trying..." replied Magnus in a voice so faint and hoarse that Jace regret letting him speak at all. The warlock turned his head to face Isabelle, his eyes dark and confused. "Where's Alec...?"

"We're gonna get you to him now," Isabelle promised, eyes as kind as her voice as she cast the warlock a sympathetic glance. "He loves you so much. You know that, don't you?"

Magnus didn't respond.

Once they ducked into the tunnel, he prised himself from their hold, leaning himself up against the wall and wiping his mouth against the sleeve of his shirt. It didn't clear the blood completely. In trying to wipe it away, Magnus had mainly succeeded in smudging it down his skin. He gave up trying to clean it away. Instead, he watched the two shadowhunters as they hauled the wall back upright, sealing it in place before turning to face him.

It was difficult to see at first, in the new light—or lack thereof—but their eyes soon adjusted to the change, enough to see where they were going at least.

"We need to move," said Jace, although his eyes shone with sympathy in the torchlight.

Magnus nodded, shying away from Isabelle as she moved to help him. "I'm fine," he muttered. "I can walk by myself. I don't need your help."

The shadowhunters exchanged anxious glances, but Isabelle nodded stiffly. She couldn't take her eyes off the burns circled around Magnus's wrists, the bead of blood at the corner of his mouth. The warlock was a mess. The Clave guards had beaten and tortured him within an inch of his immortal life, but still Magnus refused to be aided.

They set off at a steady pace—a slight stumble to begin on Magnus's part—and began the tedious journey down the ceaseless passage of damp rock.

The door they had escaped through had been lost from sight when Magnus's steps began to slow. His feet dragged across the stone ground as his hand trailed the wall to offer some kind of support for his weary body. Isabelle walked beside him, Jace in front, casting anxious glances back to the pair every few seconds. It was impressive how long Magnus managed to go on for, weakening gradually with every passing minute, but eventually he came to a stop, heaving for breath as he leaned a shoulder against the wall.

"I can't…" he began, almost too breathless to even speak. "I can't go on…"

"You have to," Isabelle urged, risking a touch to his arm, withdrawing when Magnus flinched. "Magnus, please, you're exhausted. You have to let us help you."

Magnus shook his head, recoiling from her touch again when she tried to reach for him. "I don't want—" he began heatedly, then closed his eyes, shaking his head. "I'm sorry. I just… It hurts to be touched."

Isabelle blinked rapidly. It was a rare thing for Magnus to willingly show weakness in front of them. The Clave's 'methods' were less than kind and the agony runes had clearly caused the warlock excruciating pain, if the lowered glamour was anything to go by. Apparently, that pain was still present, even after they had freed him from the shackles.

The light dimmed in his eyes suddenly and Magnus stumbled forward, smacking his head on an overhanging rock before Jace could steady him. Cursing softly, Jace lunged forward and scooped the collapsing warlock up in his arms, holding Magnus secure against his chest and glancing to Isabelle in panic.

Isabelle hurried to check Magnus over, breathing out steadily as she wiped a smear of blood from his skin. "It's okay. It's not deep. He's just knocked himself out."

Jace grimaced at the cut the rock had opened on Magnus's forehead. "Alec's gonna be pissed."

"He was gonna be pissed either way," Isabelle pointed out, gesturing to Magnus. "At least we can help him now."

"How are we getting him to the apartment like this?" Jace asked, uncomfortably aware of all the flaws in their less-than-perfect plan. There hadn't been time to work out all the issues. They just needed to get Magnus to safety.

Isabelle waved an absent hand, scooping her phone from her back pocket. "I've got it covered," she said, pressing the contact and lifting the device to her ear. "Simon, hey," she greeted, casting Jace a chiding look when he rolled his eyes. "Listen, I need a favour."

* * *

Simon met them topside of the station, parking his van as close to the meeting point as possible. Despite the crowded roadsides, he managed to wedge his van into a gap within twenty yards of the underground opening and, when he saw Isabelle and Jace emerge—the latter holding an unconscious Magnus in his arms—he hurried out of the driver's seat to open the back for them.

"What happened?" he asked in a panicked urgency as he watched Jace climb into the back to set Magnus down on the floor. "Clary called yesterday, told me Magnus had been arrested and to stay away in case The Clave started kicking off about all downworlders who were close to you."

"They tortured him," said Jace, his worry surfacing in a bluntness to rival his parabatai.

Isabelle grabbed Simon's arm in support when his eyes blew wide at the news. "We need to get Magnus to his apartment. Alec and Clary said they'd meet us there."

Simon nodded hurriedly, gesturing absently for Isabelle to enter the passenger side while he rushed to the driver's door. Slamming it shut, his head turned to face the back. Jace was knelt over Magnus, using his sleeve to clean some of the blood away from the jagged gash in his forehead. There were terrible burns ringing the warlock's wrists too. Whatever heat had caused them had clearly been very intense; the charred flesh was raw and garnet-like where the skin had seared away.

Simon blanched to think at how Alec would react to seeing Magnus in such a state.

Suddenly, the warlock stirred, wincing softly. His eyes fluttered open. Simon had to bite back an audible gasp of awe as he saw the golden cat's eyes that signified Magnus's warlock mark. Jace leaned over him, murmuring something only for Magnus with a forcibly encouraging smile giving a tilt to his lips. Whatever Jace had said, Magnus replied with a stiff nod.

"Is he okay?" Simon wondered aloud, sharing an anxious glance with Isabelle.

Jace glanced up, determination sharp in his eyes, dampened with a deep worry that he didn't quite manage to conceal.

"Just drive."


	8. Chapter 8

** A/N- Sorry for the wait! Just couldn't seem to get it right.**

* * *

Alec stumbled as his feet hit solid ground, almost listing completely forward from the force with which the portal had spat him out. He suspected he would have done, had he not caught himself on the arm of the sofa. His knees hit the floor painfully.

There was a soft _swish_ as the portal snapped shut behind him. A concerned hand set to his back and he glanced up to see Clary stood over him, eyes bright with anxiety.

"I'm fine," Alec muttered, pushing himself to his feet.

Clary watched him a moment, as if hesitating to speak. "Alec, what your dad said… it wasn't okay, and you know he's wrong, don't you? About you and Magnus. It doesn't matter that you're both guys, or that he's a downworlder."

Alec just stared at her a while. It was strange really. On their initial meeting, Alec had thought her childish and troublesome, but he now realised that if she hadn't called him out on his blatant infatuation with Jace, he might never have accepted his sexuality. If it weren't for her, he might never have met Magnus.

What a grey world that would be.

"Alec…?"

"Yes, I know he's wrong," replied Alec finally, taking in a steadying breath. "He was just trying to hurt me. I don't intend on letting him win." He cleared his throat, banishing any lingering tightness from the hurt of his father's words. "Thanks for the warding rune… and for making the portal. I don't know what I would've done without you there."

She blinked and nodded uncertainly, clearly not expecting such sincere praise. Alec patted her shoulder.

"I should clean up," he muttered, absently lifting a hand to the blood staining the skin above his eye.

He didn't wait for Clary to reply. Taking off to the bathroom, he left his fellow shadowhunter in the main room, flicking the light on before closing and locking the door behind him.

Turning, Alec braced his hands against the edges of the sink-bowl, bowing his head and forcing deeper breaths. Heat stung his eyes and he shook his head to banish it. This was not the time to break down. There was no telling what kind of state Magnus would be in when Jace and Isabelle brought him back here, and Alec couldn't risk showing weakness.

The urge to cry was almost overwhelming and Alec roughly twisted the cold tap, filling his hands to splash water over his face. The blood took some work to remove, but Alec had time. It would be a while until Magnus was back home, back with Alec where he belonged. Worst-case scenarios filled Alec's head and he shook himself to scatter them, grabbing a towel to pat his face dry.

"It's okay," he whispered aloud, just for himself, just breathing a moment. "It's okay. It's okay."

He spoke it like a mantra, a prayer to the angel, a promise to himself.

Part of him knew he should call Jace. They shouldn't be at the apartment; Robert would hunt Magnus down and this would be the first place he looked. Despite that fear, Alec's phone remained untouched in his pocket. He wanted Magnus home, he needed familiarity, needed to curl up with his boyfriend and know that they were safe in this apartment.

It wasn't fair and Alec hated it.

It wasn't fair that he couldn't feel that way in the institute, that he knew Magnus would never be safe around shadowhunters because any one of them could wish to do him harm. His father had shown his true colours along with several Clave guards. Yet, so had Underhill, Alec reminded himself. The man had stood with him against Robert to protect Magnus. Shadowhunters coming together against The Clave to protect a downworlder. Something about that teamwork was so incredible.

He shoved himself away from the sink with a heavy sigh, fishing the stele from his pocket and started to lift it to his healing rune, but stopped suddenly. It didn't feel right to light his stele, run it across his rune, so he didn't. Maybe he wanted to keep the pain. Maybe he wanted to punish himself for Magnus.

It didn't matter. Alec didn't heal himself.

Exiting the bathroom, he went straight for the sofa and sat himself down. He didn't say a word to Clary, who stood staring out the balcony doors, and she didn't say a word to him. The silence wasn't an awkward one. It wasn't comfortable either; it was crushing.

They spent what seemed like hours in silence, Alec unable to sit still, having to push himself from the sofa and pace around every few minutes. If he sat too long, he could do nothing but think, and every thought was of Magnus. He considered every scenario, considered that Magnus could be badly hurt when he came through that door. Part of him wondered if Magnus would even come home.

He quashed that thought down until it disappeared. Magnus wasn't dead. He couldn't be. Alec would have known; he would've felt it. Maybe it was stupid of him to believe that, but he couldn't help it. Grief made him sentimental.

When the front door opened, Alec still wasn't prepared for who came through.

Everything he had been expecting, from Magnus to Jace, Clave guards to his father, the person he hadn't even considered to show up here was—

"Simon?"

The vampire cast him a heavy look—a look that screamed pity and grief—but he went straight for Clary, melting into the hug she wrapped him in. For a second, Alec remained entirely confused and disappointed, but three more figures pushed their way through the door. Simon wasn't alone.

"Magnus," Alec gasped breathlessly, rushing to embrace him.

Isabelle and Jace, the latter of whom had been a crutch for the warlock, ducked away as Alec wrapped his arms around his boyfriend. The door closed behind them and Alec breathed steadily for the first time in what could have been days, because they were finally safe.

Magnus winced at the contact of the hug, a soft hiss of pain exhaled from his lips, but he clutched Alec like he would never let go. In turn, Alec buried his face in Magnus's shoulder, his body racked with a shuddering inhale as he tried to fight back the tears that stung his eyes.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered. "Magnus, I'm so sorry."

Magnus shook his head, his fingers clawing into Alec's shirt. "Don't," he muttered simply. "It wasn't your fault."

Alec turned his head to press a kiss against Magnus's temple. "I love you."

"Love you too."

Magnus grunted softly as he pulled away, weary gaze searching across Alec's face. He lifted a hand to absently touch the bruised skin around the cut above Alec's eye. It stung, but Alec didn't dare pull away. The twinge of hurt was nothing compared to the warmth that encased his heart. Magnus was here.

The warmth was frozen almost instantly when he focused on Magnus's wrists.

"You're hurt."

The words didn't come from his mouth and Alec almost laughed at Magnus's observation, only preventing himself when he realised how insane that would make him look. After everything—all the pain and torment he had been subjected to by The Clave—Magnus still wasn't worried for himself. He was never worried for himself. Usually Alec loved Magnus's selfless and giving nature, but he couldn't bring himself to love it now.

Settling on a weak smile, Alec gently brushed his fingers to Magnus's forehead, gesturing to his own injury. "Guess we match, huh?"

Magnus's expression twisted softly into something Alec couldn't quite place. "That's a nice way of looking at it," he murmured.

Something lost entered his eyes then and Alec's brow furrowed in an anxious frown. Slowly, as if in a trance, Magnus moved his hand to Alec's cheek. The golden cat's eyes drifted across the shadowhunter's concerned countenance, and Alec gently squeezed Magnus's hip, trying to ground him, trying to ease his distant expression.

"Alexander," said Magnus, too faint to be considered okay. His eyes searched across Alec's face. "I… I think I'm dreaming again…"

Frown deepening, Alec's mouth opened to speak, but there was no time to plan the words, let alone get them out before Magnus's eyes rolled back and his legs buckled beneath him.

"Steady," warned Alec, grabbing his boyfriend as he threatened to collapse right on the spot. "It's alright. Hold on to me, okay?" Alec gently pressed two fingers beneath Magnus's chin, tilting his head up. "Magnus, what can I do? Tell me how to help you."

Letting his head against Alec's shoulder, Magnus blinked up at him through painfully narrowed eyes. "I need… Catarina," he muttered, swallowing thickly. "Alec, I… I want to wake up…"

"You _are_ awake, sweetheart," Alec insisted, tightening his grip on his boyfriend. "It's alright. We'll get Catarina here." He cast a desperate glance to his sister. "Izzy—"

"I'll call her," Isabelle promised, phone already in hand.

Alec glanced down to Magnus, squeezing him tighter against his side. "You can rest while we wait for her. Are you okay to walk?" He didn't receive a reply, Magnus's heavily-lidded eyes slipping shut and struggling to open in lethargic blinks. "Magnus…?"

When his eyes closed and didn't open, Magnus's head lolled forward and he became deadweight in Alec's grasp. The shadowhunter cursed softly, fighting to keep him upright and pressing urgent fingers to the pulse point against his throat. The thrum of his pulse was faint, but still present. He was alive.

Jace rushed to try and help him, but Alec pushed him away, stubbornly refusing his help. Alec ducked to haul Magnus up into his arms, cradling his limp body tight against his chest, face half-hidden in Magnus's hair as he turned to the bedroom.

"I've got you," he vowed in an undertone, squeezing his eyes shut in a second of overwhelming grief. "I've got you."

* * *

The wait for Catarina was painful, even if the delay was only a couple of minutes.

Alec settled Magnus in their shared bed, busying himself in removing the warlock's shoes and jewellery in attempt to make him as comfortable as possible. It was probably in vain, as Alec was admittedly unsure whether or not Magnus was even aware of his surroundings. The warlock remained stubbornly unconscious.

When Catarina opened the door to the bedroom—having portalled in a few moments ago and already strengthened the warding around the loft—she made Alec leave.

Despite his initial, instinctive protests, Alec knew it was a wise move. He would just be in the way. Still, his mood was dampened further from lack of contact with his boyfriend, and the others wisely kept a careful distance and a respectful silence as Alec paced his way back and forth in front of the balcony doors.

The occasional glitch of light would escape from beneath the bedroom door, a jolt of Catarina's magic flashing so intensely that it sent streaks of light dashing from every tiny gap. Alec would pause every time, watching and waiting for Catarina to emerge. When she didn't, he resumed the restless pacing.

It went on that way for what felt like an age before Jace finally had enough.

"Hey," he murmured as he approached his brother, intercepting his path and setting a gentle hand to his shoulder to keep him in place. "Come and sit down. You're not doing yourself, or Magnus, any favours by wearing yourself out."

There was a long silence, in which Alec did nothing but stare. "What did they do to him?" he asked finally, his voice coming out smaller than he would have liked. He wasn't even sure that he wanted an answer.

Jace exchanged a heavy glance with Isabelle, who stood leaned against the far wall with Simon, before beckoning for Alec to follow him. Alec stayed, reluctant to be away from Magnus's room, but Jace only wandered a few paces away, sitting himself down on the sofa with a deep sigh. Still a little hesitant, Alec followed.

"It was mainly the shackles they put on him when he was arrested," Jace informed, his voice careful and quiet, as if he feared Alec's reaction. "The runes… They really did a number on him, Alec."

Alec worked his jaw in displeasure, angling his head away from Jace's words and the pain they caused him.

"You know it wasn't your fault, right?" said Jace, glancing to him, grabbing his brother's arm as Alec scoffed softly. "Hey. Listen to me. It wasn't you. Aldertree hates downworlders; Magnus was just… a convenient target."

"Yeah, and why was it that he's so 'convenient' again? Oh, that's right, because I got him to stay at the institute, even though I knew he felt uncomfortable being there. Because he was surrounded by people who would rather see him imprisoned than share a living space with him. I guess they all got what they wanted."

There was pressure on his arm, almost hard enough to hurt, and Alec let his eyes meet Jace's finally. "You know better than anyone that you don't tell Magnus what to do. If he had wanted to leave, he would've left. He made a choice, and you need to respect that."

Alec inhaled a shaking breath that made Jace blink rapidly at him, a worried crease to his brow. "I can't let him get hurt again, Jace. I can't… I don't know what I'd do if something like this happened again. I don't even know what to do now. I dragged you all into this. We can't ever go back to the institute. None of you can go home."

"Don't worry about us," murmured Jace. "It was our choice too."

There was a soft sound as the bedroom door opened just wide enough for Catarina to slip through, closing it behind her once she stood in the main room. Alec pushed himself up from the sofa, approaching her with hurried steps. He didn't even try to disguise his concern.

"How is he?" asked Alec instantly, eyes rapidly scanning Catarina's face for hints of sorrow or hope.

The warlock just stared up at him, some pain in her expression, but not enough for it to be deadly serious. "He's sleeping. I've healed what I can, bandaged up the rest." She took a steadying breath. "Alec, what they did to him… it would have been excruciatingly painful. That kind of pain tends to linger."

"It was bad, like… enough to trigger his memories?"

Catarina nodded softly and Alec swallowed past the grief lumping his throat. They both knew Magnus's past, about what happened to his mother and stepfather, and they knew that prolonged pain, like what The Clave had delivered, generally forced Magnus into a flashback of that memory. Last time, Magnus had cried for hours after divulging the memory to Alec.

"Whatever damage is visible on his skin will fade a lot faster than the pain he feels on the inside," Catarina confirmed the shadowhunters fears, touching Alec's arm in a show of support. "Be gentle with him, okay? But don't let him push you away because, whether he knows it or not, he needs you right now."

Alec nodded, his heart weighing heavy in his chest. This was his fault. Magnus was taken because of him, because their relationship had disgusted his father so much that he had set out to have the warlock killed. Every spare moment, Alec thought of Magnus being dragged away from him. If he paused, even for a second, that memory would surface again.

Blinking hard to force the tears back, Alec absently pinched his hand hard enough to hurt. "Can I see him?"

"Yes," said Catarina, opening the door behind her. "Just be quiet in there. Don't wake him."


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N— Initial dream is in italics to avoid confusion.**

* * *

_"Alec!"_

_The reply was nothing but darkness, and Magnus whipped around in a desperate search. He didn't remember how he got there or even where he was, but he knew one thing for certain and one thing only. He needed to find Alexander._

_Then, as if to answer his desperate longing, there he was, walking out the darkness. Alec was different to how Magnus remembered him, his stride was rigid and measured and he halted several metres away, his hands clasping behind his back, just staring. It was like he was waiting._

_Magnus breathed his name, relief sending tears springing to his eyes and he stumbled forward, reaching for Alec, afraid he would disappear. Ice snaked around his outstretched hand, a chain slithering up to wrap around his wrist. It didn't stop with one. Soon enough, Magnus was trapped in place, trussed up in frozen shackles._

_He fought, rattling them desperately, but he couldn't break free._

_"Alec," he said, begging almost as he lifted his head to stare at the shadowhunter. "Alec, help… Help me, please."_

_For a moment, Alec did nothing but watch. His gaze was unconcerned, roaming up and down Magnus's body, seeing the chains and doing nothing to try and break them. Lazily, he wandered forward. When he was close enough, his hand came up to grab the end of the limitless chain, giving a harsh tug that tightened every link and sent Magnus to his knees, crying out in agony._

_"No, no, wait—"_

_"Sorry, Magnus," said Alec, but there was no emotion in his eyes. There was nothing. "The law is hard…"_

_Magnus shook his head desperately because this wasn't Alec. The Alec he knew, the one he had fallen in love with, would never abandon him like this, would never surrender him to the merciless mercies of The Clave. He thought Alec would fight for him._

_"Alexander, please," he begged, and every word cost him more chains. A new rope of metal lashed out to bind him, tighter still than the last. "Alec!"_

_Shaking his head, Alec slowly lifted a finger to his lips, a soft hush echoing and lingering in the darkness until the sound became shrill and piercing and Magnus ducked his head with a cry as it rang sharply in his ears. Iron wrapped around his neck, forcing his head back up, choking the breath from his lungs._

_At first, Magnus believed it was another chain come to hold him, but he realised suddenly that he was wrong. It was Alec. The shadowhunter's hand was on his throat, horribly cold and tightening ceaselessly._

_"Alec," choked Magnus, gulping for breath that didn't reach his lungs. He tried to reach up and force Alec's hand away, but his arms were weighed down with chains and refused to give an inch when he tried to lift them. "Alec, please… Please, no…"_

_"… but it is the law."_

Magnus shot upright, hands lifting to clutch his throat in desperate gasps for air. Realising suddenly that he could move his arms, he glanced down to see the chains were gone. There was no cold, just uncomfortable heat. Sweat clung to his skin, dampening the bedsheets on which he sat. His wrists were wrapped in bandages. There were hands on him.

That part still warranted panic and Magnus shoved them away in a thoughtless thrash. His eyes took longer to adjust and it was a moment before he managed to set his drifting gaze on Alec. Magnus just stared.

Alec had his hands held up to almost touch his shoulders: a clear surrender. It came back then. The Clave dragging him away, Alec fighting to stop them, guards torturing him, Jace and Isabelle breaking him out; all the memories came flooding back. It was so much so quickly that Magnus almost broke down on the spot.

Instead, he blinked at Alec. "You're here."

It was half query, half observation, and Alec lowered his hands with a small frown. "Of course I'm here. Where else would I be?" He tilted his head a little anxiously. "You've been sleeping for a few hours. The others are out in the main room."

It dawned on Magnus suddenly that Alec couldn't go back to the institute. None of them could go back. Jace and Isabelle had broken Clave orders in breaking him out of the cell, and if Alec was here, then it meant he was involved in the escape.

"Clary?" Magnus asked.

"She's here," said Alec, confirming Magnus's suspicions that the stubborn red-head would have insisted that she help. "Did you want her? I can get her for you—"

"No, no, I just… I was just making sure."

The quiet fell again. Magnus didn't want to break it; he didn't want to speak again. What could he even say? Alec already knew what had been done to him and there was no need to trouble the shadowhunter any further by divulging the nature of his dreams. Part of Magnus just wanted to go back to sleep. The rest of him was too afraid of what he would see if he dreamed.

Glancing down, he ran an absent hand over the snugly fitted bandages wrapped around his wrists. Magnus didn't know who had treated him. He supposed he'd been unconscious at the time. Alec's hand joined and he gently pushed Magnus's touch away, as if he didn't want Magnus dwelling on his injuries, as if he was afraid the warlock would be hurt.

It was a little late for such concerns.

That same hand lifted to Magnus's jaw as Alec leaned forward to kiss him. The warlock grunted softly and leaned away, closing his eyes and he prised Alec's hand down from his face. Frowning softly, Alec dutifully retracted his hand. He suspected Magnus had a good reason, but he couldn't help but feel hurt by the rejection.

"What is it?" he asked, careful to keep his tone light in fear of sounding angry. He wasn't angry, he was just confused. "Are you still hurting?" Magnus didn't reply as such, just shook his head. "Do you not trust me? I said I'd get you out and I did. I'm sorry it took so long, but we needed Jace to trick Robert into—"

"Alexander," interrupted Magnus, but there was nothing of him in his voice. "I don't blame you for what happened, and I'm not angry about the timing. I will always trust you with everything I have. I trust you with my life."

Alec shook his head in confusion. "Then what… what's wrong?"

Magnus's jaw trembled softly and Alec frowned at the pain in his eyes. Taking a breath to speak, Magnus was immediately interrupted by the door opening and Jace peering into the room.

"Sorry to interrupt," muttered Jace. "Alec, I think you should see this."

Hesitating a moment, Alec cast a glance to Magnus, concerned about his wellbeing, but his boyfriend was already climbing out of bed. Trying to protest resulted in Magnus merely waving an absent hand to him.

"I'm fine, Alexander, don't fuss."

From what Alec had seen, Magnus certainly was not fine, but he couldn't argue. Stashing a mental note to carefully bring this up later, Alec followed his brother back into the main room. outside the bedroom, Catarina met Magnus and set a gentle touch on his upper arm. She murmured something that Alec didn't hear, to which Magnus nodded softly.

What Jace wanted Alec to see turned out to be a fire message. It was from Maryse Lightwood; his mother's signature was easily recognisable. Alec and Magnus read through it together in the main room, eyes scanning across the edge-charred paper and the letters printed out there in Alec's mother's fluid handwriting.

Robert and his guards had been withdrawn from the institute. Apparently, the inquisitor gave command to Maryse while Robert and his Clave unit were under investigation. Magnus had been officially cleared of Robert accusations. Alec, Jace, Isabelle and Clary were all permitted to re-join the institute without consequence.

"Is this all because you have relation to Imogen?" asked Magnus in subtle surprise, glancing to Jace.

The shadowhunter shrugged. "I'd like to think that it's because she knows that Robert is wrong, and that he was completely out of order. Surely not everyone in a position of power in The Clave hates downworlders. We didn't do anything wrong and she knows it."

"Yeah, you can never do anything wrong, can you?" Alec muttered, earning himself a squinted, almost confused glare from Jace.

"What did they want the necromancy spell for?" Magnus asked, wrapping his arms around himself, as if in attempt at comfort or protection.

Jace continued to watch Alec a moment, jaw set in a hard line as if he wanted to argue. "We don't know," he murmured honestly, if a little reluctantly, as he dragged his gaze away from his brother. "That's the first thing we plan on asking our mother when we get back to the institute."

Magnus nodded. "Let me know when you find out."

He turned to leave, pausing when Clary queried "aren't you coming back with us?"

There was a heavy look to Magnus as he glanced back to the shadowhunter. "No," he replied bluntly. "No, I'm not."

Alec watched him as he walked away, something wrong and dull with his step. There was something missing, some trademark Magnus swagger that had been broken with the torturous techniques of the Clave guards. He didn't so much as glance back as he slipped back into the bedroom and closed the door quietly behind him.

Clary cast a frantic, panicked look to Alec. "What's wrong with him?" she whispered.

Alec scuffed his heel against the floor, glancing up to the ceiling briefly as he searched for the words. "Look, I don't think it's a great idea to be mentioning anything… Clave-wise around Magnus right now." He sighed and ran a hand down his face. "Thank you," he murmured his gratitude, casting his eyes across the group. "All of you, for helping us. I'm going to stay here with Magnus until he's feeling… more like himself. You should all head back to the institute."

Isabelle took a moment to gaze at the closed door of the bedroom. "Are you gonna be okay handling him on your own?"

"He's not on his own," said Catarina, casting a small nod to Alec when he gave her a surprised glance. "I'll stay… at least until the burns heal."

"Thank you."

Watching the others leave, accepting embraces from each of them in turn—except Simon that is; they weren't quite there yet—Alec began to wonder if his sister's concerns were founded. Magnus was different. The things The Clave had done to him had left him in such a state, and Alec worried that the injuries weren't merely physical.

There was something wrong with his mind.

* * *

A panicked shout echoed through the apartment and Alec lurched off the sofa.

He hadn't been sleeping all that much anyway, but now, instead of absently dozing, he was wide awake. Raking a hand into his hair, Alec hurried his way across the room. Catarina met him at the bedroom door, having rushed out from the spare room. The others had gone back to the institute earlier in the day, so it was just the two of them and Magnus in the apartment. Not that they would have known Magnus was there with him being sequestered in his room.

The familiar cry of the warlock in the throes of a nightmare had been the only sound from the room for hours now. Catarina had suggested that they give him some space. Clearly set on helping, she started towards the door, but Alec waved a hand to her dismissively.

"I've got him," he murmured. "You can go back to sleep."

"Are you sure?"

Alec nodded. "I can handle him." He cast her a sad smile. "It's not like it's the first time."

The look that Catarina cast him told Alec that it wasn't her first either. In Alec's experience, Magnus's nightmares often involved the warlock's family, notably his mother's suicide and his stepfather's murder, as well as occasionally things he had done with Asmodeus. Magnus was always quiet and monosyllabic after these dreams. Alec supposed this time wouldn't be any different.

Entering Magnus's room, Alec softly shut the door behind him and winced at the sounds coming from the bed, turning to quietly make his way to Magnus's side. The warlock was gasping for breath, hands twisted into the bedsheets. Cold sweat ran down his temples.

"Magnus," said Alec, sitting himself on the edge of the bed.

A wordless mumble flared Magnus's lips and Alec reached to stroke his fingers through dampened locks of hair. His boyfriend shifted and moaned feebly under his touch. Alec's heart clenched uncomfortably in his chest and he forced in a deep breath, knowing he couldn't let Magnus know how bad it had been when he was conscious.

"Magnus, it's okay," he murmured, his thumb passing over Magnus's temple. "It's a dream. Wake up for me, okay?"

He startled when Magnus's eyes snapped open, his warlock mark in full view, golden irises flashing with alarm. Crimson shrouded his fingers and he grabbed Alec's wrist. The shadowhunter sucked in a sharp breath at the agonising burn of his boyfriend's touch, wrenching his hand away.

Magnus blinked hard, the light dying from his fingers as his eyes faded to their usual dark shade. His hand lowered back onto the bed.

"Alec...?" he whispered uncertainly.

Alec nodded. "Yeah, it's me. It's okay. You were dreaming."

Still a little disorientated and practically shaking from the shock or fear of his dream, Magnus ran a hand down his face to wipe some of the sweat away, using his free hand to push himself upright in the bed. His eyes fell upon Alec's hand, concern furrowing his brow. Alec followed his gaze and hurriedly tried to hide his wrist beneath his sleeve, not caring how the rubbing fabric stung his lightly burned skin. He just needed to hide the damage from Magnus.

"It's nothing," he insisted, forcing a twitched smile as his gaze met Magnus's again.

"It's not nothing," said Magnus, his eyes and voice filled with despondency. "I hurt you. I didn't even realise…" The sadness faded with a bitter scoff that exhaled from his lips, and he glanced away from the shadowhunter. "You should go."

Alec frowned softly. "You want me to leave?"

"Yes."

The answer came too quickly, too bluntly, and Alec didn't believe it for a second. There was something really wrong. As much as he hated to push when Magnus was like this, he knew he couldn't just do whatever Magnus wanted. He knew he couldn't leave. Magnus only wanted him gone because he was afraid, but Alec wasn't scared of being burned by the warlock's powers; he wasn't scared of any kind of pain.

He was just afraid of leaving Magnus alone. Knowing his boyfriend's history all too well— namely the incident on Blackfriars bridge—Alec was afraid of what Magnus might do if this depressive spiral continued its downward trek. It was just like Catarina had warned. Magnus was trying to push him away.

"Alec, please," muttered Magnus. Clearly Alec had been silent too long. "Please, just go home."

Alec shook his head. "No, I'm not going to leave you like this… and 'home'? I _am_ home, Magnus. I'm with you."

Closing his eyes, Magnus angled his head away from Alec and his attempt at comfort. "You don't want to be with me right now, Alexander. I'm not safe to be around." He gestured weakly in the direction of the shadowhunter. "Just look at what I did to you. Isn't that proof enough that I'm not who you thought I was…?"

"What does that mean?" asked Alec, his tone remaining soft so as not to upset his boyfriend. "Magnus, look at me. What are you saying?"

The eyes that found him were cat's eyes, gold and beautiful and brimming with tears. "You thought I was strong, but I'm not," he whispered and, god, if those words didn't break Alec's heart right in half. "They broke me… The Clave… Those runes, I…" He ducked his head to choke back a sob, lifting a hand to push the tears back. "I broke, Alec. They broke something in me and I… I don't know how to fix myself."

Another sob wrenched its way from Magnus and Alec instinctively reached for him, wanting to hold him and to keep him safe, but Magnus shied away from his hands. "No, no," was all he whispered before he had to stop because the tears were relentless. So, Alec stayed back. He sat on Magnus's bed, clueless on how to help, speechless, useless.

There was nothing he could do except watch, and struggle to keep his own emotions under control, as Magnus wrapped his arms around himself and wept.


	10. Chapter 10

Catarina stayed for two days, throughout which Magnus never left his bed, save the occasional trip to the bathroom. The door to his room remained closed and uninviting.

Magnus wouldn't let anyone touch him. Even when it was Alec trying to comfort him, or Catarina trying to fast-track the healing of his wrists, he panicked whenever someone's skin touched his own. Alec privately thought that Catarina might have left because she was getting too irritated with Magnus's lack of compliance.

When she did leave, she warned Alec again to be careful and not to let his boyfriend push him away. Truth be told, that was becoming more and more of a challenge. Sometimes Alec believed he was doing more harm than good by staying in the apartment, so he did as Catarina recommended and gave Magnus his space.

It was day three when the cats started to gather on the balcony. The first Alec knew of it was a scratching sound that he traced back to the glass doors, and he wandered over to ease the door open. Three cats immediately streamed into the apartment; one brown tabby, a short-haired calico missing half an ear, and a long-haired grey with a plumed tail and a jowly face. The animals immediately began weaving around Alec's legs, mewling piteously, obnoxiously.

"Okay," Alec absently soothed their whining. "Okay, give me a minute."

He hurried to the kitchen, frisking his way through Magnus's cupboards in search of something to feed them. There was no sign of any cat food; there was barely a trace of human food now Alec realised. He supposed Magnus hadn't had time to go shopping. Alec wondered if he even needed to buy anything when he could just make whatever he wanted appear with a snap of his fingers.

The cats had followed him and one of them clawed at his leg and meowed loudly, obviously impatient. Magnus was probably a lot more diligent.

"Alright—hey!" Alec complained as claws sunk through the fabric of his trouser leg. "A little patience would be nice!"

Searching for something he didn't know how to find was useless and Alec regretfully, hesitantly turned to wander back across the main room and approach the bedroom door. He hated disturbing Magnus when he felt like he wasn't wanted. Still, he lifted a hand and rapped his knuckles against the wooden surface.

"Magnus?" he called softly.

There was a moment of quiet before a voice murmured permission to enter.

Alec slipped into the room, closing the door behind him so as not the grant entry to the cats. His heart was heavy as his gaze flitted across Magnus, who sat cross-legged in the centre of the bed. Catarina's magic had healed his wrists and the bandages were gone. Somehow it was worse without physical proof because Magnus just looked so wrong and he had nothing to show for it.

The darkness beneath his eyes wasn't due to makeup now—Magnus hadn't so much as touched eyeliner in days—and the shade was even more prominent against the pallor of his face.

Clearly Magnus sensed his concern. "Do I look bad?" he asked, not out of vanity or actual worry for his looks. His voice was quiet and unused.

Alec shook his head instinctively, even though he knew it was a lie. "No, you just… you look tired. Did you sleep last night?"

Magnus glanced downwards, absently rubbing at his wrist—a movement which certainly did not go unnoticed by Alec. "I don't think so," he replied, and the nature of his words sent Alec wandering over to perch himself on the end of the bed. "I don't want to dream again. I don't like to take anything, but I think it might be time to make myself something so I don't have to dream tonight."

"Something like…?"

"It's harmless, Alexander. A sleeping draught for warlocks."

Alec nodded, still anxious regarding Magnus's actual state of mind. "Do you dream about… about what happened at the institute?"

A weak smile ghosted across Magnus's face, unamused but almost fond somehow. "I suppose it has a contribution," he mumbled, then sighed softly. "It's always worse when you're not with me… the dreams, I mean. They became less frequent after I met you, and when you shared this bed with me…"

He didn't finish that sentence and Alec worked his jaw a moment, considering his words. He hadn't realised he'd had that much of an effect on the warlock and to hear of the struggle of Magnus's life was always hard, but Alec was determined to learn from every word.

"I… I thought you needed space."

"I do," replied Magnus, lifting his heavy gaze to Alec once again. "I'm sorry. I know I'm not making a lot of sense…"

"Hey," Alec soothed. "Baby, it doesn't need to make sense. If you need space, then I'll give you space… I still want to be here for you, so I can't leave. I'm here if you need me, but I'm still here if you don't."

Magnus nodded, his eyes filled with gratitude suddenly. "Thank you, Alexander." He took a breath as if to continue, but lifted a hand to run through his hair and blinked softly. "Did you, uh… Did you need something? I thought I head you talking to someone out there."

"Oh, yeah, what do you feed your cats?"

Magnus blinked hard at the question. "What do I…? Oh, I don't—It's with magic."

"Hey, you don't have to—" Alec began to protest as Magnus climbed off the bed, and cut himself off. He should be encouraging any kind of movement that involved Magnus actually getting up and leaving the room.

Magnus didn't seem to notice his hastily aborted concerns, or, if he did, he didn't say anything about it. His pace was worryingly normal. _Boring_, Alec reflected in surprise and he came to realise that Magnus had a very distinct way of carrying himself, a flair that came naturally to the warlock, but there was none of that now. Apparently, Alec only noticed these traits once they weren't present.

He missed them. He missed Magnus, how he was before all of this had happened.

The cats were waiting outside the room for them and Alec winced softly as the calico stood on its hind legs to paw at Magnus's leg, fearing the warlock's reaction to such contact. Instead of flinching away like he had done with Alec, Magnus stooped down to haul the creature up into his arms, carrying it carefully in the direction of the kitchen.

Alec stood a moment, pondering. It occurred to him that perhaps it wasn't that Magnus didn't want to be touched, just that he didn't want to be touched by Alec. He quashed the thought down before anything could come of it. That didn't make sense. They loved each other; Magnus wouldn't close himself off from Alec specifically. He wouldn't do that. He knew how hard Alec was trying to help him.

Keeping a safe distance, Alec followed Magnus out onto the balcony, halting a few paces back when Magnus stopped to place the calico down. The warlock hesitated a moment before snapping his fingers, blue mist immediately shrouding his hand. He gestured it to the empty space and three bowls appeared, sloshing with cream. The cats steamed towards them and happily began lapping up their fill.

Magnus turned back to the apartment. Alec stepped aside for him and his boyfriend cast him a grateful glance in response to the space.

Back inside, the warlock happened to glance to the side and caught the reflection of himself in the mirror of his dresser. Wandering over, he leaned down a little to get a better look at himself. A hand lifted, almost absently, to touch his cheek, as if to make sure that was actually his own reflection. Alec watched him from a few paces back, struggling to keep the worry from altering his expression. Magnus didn't look like himself, that was clear enough.

"I'm a mess," murmured Magnus, the words spoken too blankly.

Alec shook his head. "You're beautiful."

Turning to lean back against the dresser a little, Magnus's hand came up to hold his opposite wrist. "You don't have to say that."

"It's the truth." Alec's eyes narrowed and he risked stepping half a pace closer. "You don't have to dress up all the time. I know you don't do it for anyone, I know it's just because you want to, but… you don't have to set such a high standard for yourself. You're allowed to just… relax every once in a while. Just because you're not wearing eyeliner or fancy clothes, it doesn't mean you're a mess. You're still you."

Magnus didn't reply, but Alec could see he wasn't convinced. Alec was saved from having to break the silence by a soft rushing that signified the enter of a fire message, and the shadowhunter lifted a hand to pluck it from the air as it came flying towards him. The edges smoked as he scanned his way through the note. His heart weighed heavy in his chest.

"What is it?" asked Magnus.

Alec swallowed hard, hesitating to tell him. "It's from Jace… The Clave wanted you to perform necromancy on Valentine's body. Apparently, they wanted to question him. There's still so many secrets he kept from The Clave."

Magnus shook his head. "That's insane. Wasn't Valentine enough for them at the start? They thought bringing him back would allow them to question him? Likelier than not, the effects of a necromancy spell would have left him… twisted. More so than he was. They wouldn't have been able to question him."

"There's… something else," admitted Alec, rereading the scrap of burned paper. "My father… he's been cleared of any wrongdoing and released from investigation, so have all the shadowhunters involved in your arrest."

Magnus inhaled deeply, a hand rubbing over his wrist. "I see," he murmured. "Released by the inquisitor I suppose."

"I doubt she had much of a choice," muttered Alec. "Robert's very influential."

Swallowing hard, Magnus turned his head away from Alec and the fire message. "Will he come after me again?"

"If he does, I'll kill him."

The warlock snapped his gaze up then, shock and panic entering his eyes. "Alexander…"

"I mean it," Alec promised, curling his fingers around the letter and crushing it within his hand. "If he ever tries to hurt you again, if he says anything—"

"Alexander," said Magnus, firmer this time. "Stop. Please, I don't want you to fight with your family on account of me. This isn't worth it."

Alec frowned, perhaps more confused and hurt than he'd ever been in his life. "You think you're not worth it…? You think I will ever be able to look at my father the same way again, after what he did to you? You're everything to me, Magnus. He's nothing." He shook his head, huffing out in disbelief. "You really think I wouldn't take your side on this?"

Magnus wouldn't meet his eyes now, gaze downcast and desolate. "I'm a downworlder," he reminded his boyfriend, as if Alec wasn't entirely aware of that. "The Clave likes to imagine they've come a long way, but little was changed with the accords. We're still demons to them, still second-class citizens. It can never improve until they start to view us as equals… Maybe that's something they just can't do."

Eyes closing, he lifted a hand to pinch the bridge of his nose, head bowing slightly. Alec hurried closer, half-reaching for him when he remembered Magnus didn't like to be touched right now and he lowered his hand.

"Hey," he coaxed, worried now because Magnus didn't hint at weakness unless he had no choice. "Magnus, what is it?"

Magnus shook his head slowly. "It's nothing. I'm just a little dizzy."

A hand reached behind him to clutch at the edge of the dresser and Alec's brow pinched in an anxious frown. "Come and sit down, okay?"

Magnus hesitated a moment before nodding minutely, stumbling his way over to sit on the sofa, using the arm of the furniture to help himself down. Alec came to crouch in front of him as he hunched over his knees, hands clutching into his hair.

"Let me call Catarina back here, okay?" offered Alec, his expression pinching in concern when Magnus shook his head. "You're sick, Magnus. I know this is because of what Robert did to you. I know when you're in pain it brings up… things that you'd rather not think about. Things about your mother—"

"Don't," said Magnus, cutting him off with a sharp wave of his hand. "I don't want to talk about that."

For a moment, Alec said nothing, torn between apologising for his words and pushing the subject further. In the end, he did neither. "If I call Catarina," he began hesitantly, "will you let her help you?"

Magnus breathed out a heavy sigh, sitting himself up to lean against the back of the sofa, working his jaw unhappily. "I don't need help, Alec. I just need time."

"I just want to make sure that there's nothing physically wrong."

Magnus blinked slowly. His gaze remained measured, but Alec could see the lingering resentment behind it and he hated to see that look in the eyes of the man he loved. It panicked him to know that his efforts to help might just be driving a wedge between them.

"You think my brain's broken, right?"

"That's not what I meant."

Magnus huffed out an incredulous scoff, casting his gaze away from the shadowhunter. "You're so desperate to fix me… Did it occur to you that there's no way of fixing this? It's nothing physical. All the pain is inside… That can't be solved with magic or love or anything except time." He leaned forward, arms resting against his knees as he gazed down at Alec. "Will you give me time?"

Against every instinct to insist that it wasn't that simple, that Magnus needed real help and support, Alec took a deep breath and nodded.

"Whatever you need," he murmured and hoped beyond hope that he wasn't making a mistake.


	11. Chapter 11

Alec was trying to make dinner. _Trying_ being the principal verb.

Magnus didn't have a lot in the kitchen and Alec didn't want to bother him; the warlock had been wandering about the apartment a little after he had fed the cats, and Alec hated to throw him off this new exploratory behaviour by leaving to get groceries. He needed to be here for Magnus. It was a kind of safety net complex the shadowhunter had developed.

As it was, he had to make do with what Magnus had, which honestly wasn't all that much. There were steaks in the freezer, carrots and potatoes in the cupboard. Alec would be damned if he couldn't manage to mash some potatoes and fry up some steaks—which even had instructions on the back. Even if he couldn't cook, Alec was pretty sure that he could read well enough.

The potatoes were boiling, steaks set out ready to cook, when there was a hard knock at the door.

Alec hurried his way out into the main room, waving a hand to Magnus, who was sat cross-legged on the sofa. The box—the one full of mementos from his past lovers—was open on the coffee table in front of him, along with things that Alec recognised, like the strip of photos from the booth in Tokyo, the omamori charm that Alec had bought for him. He shifted a little as the door sounded.

"Hey, I've got it," Alec assured him.

Magnus nodded, relaxing back onto the sofa. Striding to the door, Alec prised it open, expecting maybe Catarina or Jace, but it was no such fondness that he encountered.

Robert Lightwood stood in the hallway.

Alec cast a panicked glance back into the apartment before shoving a hand to his father's chest, forcing him back so he could close the door behind him. Magnus couldn't see them now. Alec didn't want him to see Robert, and he definitely didn't want his father anywhere near Magnus.

"What the hell are you doing here?" hissed Alec.

"You didn't come back to the institute," Robert replied and Alec simply stared because his tone was too calm, too matter-of-fact. "I wanted to remind you that you've been pardoned. You're allowed to come home."

"I am home," said Alec firmly, before an incredulous scoff left his lips. "You can't just show up here and act like everything's okay. Did you forget what you did? What you said to me?"

Robert's gaze remained unchanged. "How's Magnus?" he asked lightly, craning a look at the door over Alec's shoulder. "Guessing he isn't doing so well. No one's seen him in days."

Alec blinked hard, suddenly understanding. Whatever else had happened, his father still saw this as a win. Something had broken inside of Magnus. Robert had made that happen, all that ceaseless torture had done this to the warlock and Alec felt sick to his stomach to realise that his father relished in Magnus's pain. In _their_ pain.

"You wanted this," Alec said, forcing the emotion from his voice and his eyes. "You wanted to break him, you knew he'd try and push me away… You thought I'd leave him and come crawling back to you… Even after everything you said to me, all that crap about how you hated me being gay, you thought I'd forgive you?"

"I'm your father, Alec. We're family."

"No," growled Alec, jabbing a finger against Robert's chest. "No, you don't get to say that to me. You have to earn that. I have a mother, a sister, two brothers, my boyfriend, but you…" He shook his head. "You're not my father. You're nothing to me now. If you come anywhere near Magnus or me again, I will end you like some target I never met."

He didn't turn around, not wanting to expose his back to his father, simply stepped backwards to open the door and step back through the threshold of the apartment.

"Alec," warned Robert, voice raised in displeasure. "You cannot cut me out of your life."

Alec gritted his teeth. "Watch me."

Slamming the door shut, Alec twisted the lock for good measure and turned to press his back against the door, just to feel the physical barrier between him and his father. His eyes opened, unaware they'd closed, and he found that Magnus wasn't on the sofa anymore. All his things were still on the table, but he wasn't there.

Alec cast a sweeping glance around the apartment, frowning softly at the breeze gusting in from between the open balcony doors. Magnus was out there, leaning forward with his hands braced against the wall, which wasn't unusual in particular, but there was something about his posture that was unnerving to Alec. When Magnus's hands slipped and he collapsed against the wall, the panic spurred Alec into a sprint.

Even from a distance, he could see the way Magnus clutched at his chest, could hear the desperate gasps of air racking his lungs.

"Magnus?" he called as he knelt in front of the warlock.

It startled him when Magnus clutched frantic hands into the front of his shirt, his entire body shuddering as he fought for breath. Alec grabbed his hands in turn, squeezing tightly if only to let Magnus know that he was actually there. He was here and he wasn't leaving.

"Magnus, what's happening? What do you need me to do?"

Magnus just shook his head, his trembling form hunching over in pain. The breaths he took were rapid and shallow, too fast and too faint, and Alec disentangled one of his hands to press it over Magnus's chest. The warlock's heart hammered against his palm. His chest heaved with every desperate inhale.

Alec used the same hand to rub anxiously over his shoulder. "Magnus, I think you're having some kind of panic attack. I need you to look at me and breathe, okay?" He clutched the back of Magnus's neck when his orders weren't followed. "Baby, look at me. You're breathing too fast; I need you to slow it down for me."

Magnus swallowed hard and gasped at the brief deprivation of air. "No," he wheezed, shaking his head again. "No, can't… I can't…!"

"You can, Magnus, I promise you can."

It took what felt like an age, but it could have only been a few minutes before Magnus's breathing calmed enough to be passable as normal. He let his head back against the wall, eyes closed as he exhaled a slow sigh. Alec couldn't tell whether it was relief at having overcome the attack, or simply to slow his breathing further.

He didn't ask.

"Hey, what happened?" coaxed Alec, sitting back to give Magnus some space. "Was there something that… that triggered this?"

Magnus swallowed hard, glancing away. The breath he inhaled was long and slow and, for a moment, Alec wondered if he would even reply. Still, he didn't push. He waited until Magnus was ready to talk and then he listened.

"I heard you talking with Robert," admitted Magnus, his eyes closing at his own words. "I heard his voice and everything just… just rushed back. Everything he did to hurt me… Everything he said while it was happening… All the pain just came back and hit me. I couldn't breathe."

Alec clenched his jaw, squeezing his eyes shut a moment to counter the heat. "Magnus, I will never forgive myself for what he did to you—"

"Alexander, don't blame yourself," said Magnus, his voice firmer than it had been in days. "What happened to me was your father's doing, not yours… You said you didn't care who my father was and it goes both ways. Whatever I feel for Robert does not reflect onto you."

Absently curling his hands into fists, Alec forced himself to look Magnus in the eye. "I wouldn't blame you… if you wanted him dead."

There wasn't a trace of emotion in the eyes that Magnus locked on him. "I won't kill your father… I'm not a murderer."

"I never said you were," murmured Alec, tilting his head a little apologetically. "I'm just saying… that it's okay. You never have to see him or hear his voice ever again. I'm cutting off all ties with him. I'm taking him out of our life."

Magnus closed his eyes again and Alec's gaze settled on the hand that Magnus gripped to his wrist. It was a new mannerism of his, as if holding himself was a reminder that he was free and his wrist wasn't burned anymore. Alec hated it. He hated that Magnus had to keep reminding himself that he was safe. Perhaps he despised himself for not ensuring an environment that Magnus automatically associated with safety.

Alec couldn't help but wonder if there was something more he could be doing to assist in hos boyfriends recovery.

"Hey, how about you come and sit down at the table," said Alec, wanting to help Magnus to his feet, but not wanting to trigger him again. "You need to eat something, okay?"

Magnus swallowed hard and nodded, clutching the wall to haul himself up. Alec moved with him, hovering close by in case his boyfriend fell again, but Magnus seemed okay now. As okay as he could be anyway. The look he cast at Alec was one of fondness and the shadowhunter gave him a nod to show that he understood.

Hurrying in ahead of Magnus, Alec rushed into the kitchen.

The water in the saucepan was boiling over. Cursing under his breath, Alec gingerly shifted it from the lit hob and to a mat on the counter, mopping up the overflowed water with a tea towel. The potatoes were soft and misshapen by this point. The steaks and preparing the potatoes only took about five minutes, but Alec felt terrible for making Magnus wait like that.

He hurriedly dished everything up onto two plates and brought them out to Magnus, who was slouched forward a little in the head chair of the table. It was wrong to see his posture so defeated, when before he had been so regal.

There was something in his hands, rested atop the table, and it didn't take Alec more than one look to realise that it was the omamori charm. It was easily recognisable, all red silk and embroidered in gold. Alec knew that Magnus carried it with him; the warlock had told him as much during his time trapped in Valentine's body. Perhaps Magnus found comfort in the object in times of strife.

Upon his approach, Magnus sat upright a little better and took his hands and the charm from the table so Alec could set the food down in front of him. He slipped the charm back into his pocket.

"I'm sorry if it's not… what you're used to," apologised Alec in advance, calling over his shoulder as he ran back for cutlery. "I left the potatoes on too long."

"I'm sure it's fine," Magnus said when he came back, glancing up to him with soft eyes. "Thank you, Alexander."

The sheer level of gratitude in his voice almost sent tears to Alec's eyes, but he forced himself to simply nod, sitting himself beside his boyfriend. Every reminder that Magnus's life had been so lacking in love before they met made Alec want to cry. Despite never having been in a relationship before, Alec was pretty sure making dinner wasn't an uncommon gesture.

In hindsight, Alec realised that maybe a fork wasn't the best for these particular potatoes. They were more liquid than solid. He cast an apologetic glance to Magnus, but the warlock didn't even seem to notice, absently scooping his fork into the overdone slop.

"You don't have to eat it."

Magnus gave a weak smile, but he couldn't quite manage to make it hold any kind of happiness. "It's not that," he said with a quiet sigh. "I just… I don't think I have much of an appetite."

Swallowing hard, Alec set his knife and fork across the plate. "You haven't eaten in days, Magnus… Warlock or not, it isn't good for you to go so long without food." He canted his head slightly, eyes narrowing in concern. "Have you at least been sleeping better?"

Again, Magnus tried to smile. This time, however, it didn't even touch his lips. "Alexander, I'm fine. You don't need to worry about me."

"Hey," murmured Alec, resting an arm over the table top between them. He had wanted to reach for Magnus's hand, but backtracked at the last moment. "You don't have to pretend with me. The things you said earlier… The attack you had, Magnus… I know you're not okay. Please, don't feel like you have to lie to me."

Magnus ducked his gaze, taking a deep breath that he exhaled as a sigh. "Just… let me pretend," he requested in a voice that was too small. "Let's just… be okay, just for a minute… just for this meal." He rubbed a hand over his healed wrist. "I just want everything to go back to normal."

Alec didn't answer. No answer was needed.

They spent the remainder of the dinner in silence. Alec couldn't help but notice how little Magnus actually ate, despite restlessly pushing food around his plate. Somehow Alec didn't think it was wholly to do with his less-than-perfect cooking. He told himself that Magnus just needed time to heal.

Yet, despite the warlock's wishes, Alec doubted that Magnus would ever really be the same again.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N- Sorry, I know I'm super late. It's a long one though; enjoy!**

* * *

After dinner, Magnus tidied his box of mementos away, slotting it back into its place on the shelf beneath a few books. Having cleaned everything from dinner—half of Magnus's had been scraped into the bin—Alec watched him, his brow creased a little sadly. It wasn't even clear why he was upset, but something about the care of Magnus's movements got to him.

Magnus turned to fit their strip of photos from Tokyo into the corner of the frame of a large painting hung up in the entranceway. The omomari charm remained in his pocket. Magnus made his way back to the sofa and sat there timidly, not in the least bit relaxed, perched on the edge of the cushion.

Alec despaired to see him like that, so wary inside his own home.

Still, Magnus didn't seem completely unstable, so Alec decided it was as good a time as any to take a shower. He needed to think and there really wasn't a better place. Plus he hadn't washed in days due to stress. He excused himself to Magnus, who nodded his acceptance, waving a hand to dismiss him. Alec rushed deliberately, soaping up and washing off, drying and leaving in under five minutes. There wasn't all that much time to think it turned out, however he felt bad about leaving the warlock alone in the apartment.

Alec called to Magnus while he was dressing.

"Hey, when was the last time you had a shower?" he asked as he pulled a t-shirt over his head. "I know you can do it magically, but it might be nice to relax. I could run a bath for you if you like. How does that sound?"

There was no reply. The loft remained eerily quiet when Alec listened for a response.

"Magnus?"

Exiting the bedroom, Alec tried to seem nonchalant in his wander around the apartment. Wherever he was, Magnus surely wouldn't want to be rushed in on. Once he'd checked every room, however, did Alec begin to panic and his walk turned to a hurried run.

"Magnus?!" he yelled, although some traitorous part of his mind knew it was in vain.

The apartment was empty.

Alec immediately called Magnus's phone, but a ringing from inside the apartment made him hang up and he ran to the source to find Magnus's phone on the coffee table. Panicking now because he had no way of contacting his boyfriend, Alec called Catarina. She picked up almost instantly.

"Alec?"

"Magnus is gone," said Alec, raking a hand into his hair. "He was right here and I went for a shower and now he's gone. He left his phone."

"Okay, alright, try not to worry," Catarina urged, though her light tone was clearly forced. "I'm sure he's just taking a walk, getting some air, you know?"

Alec shook his head, although he knew she couldn't see. "Catarina, you know him. You know his past. You know when he got low before, he tried to…" He swallowed hard, unable to even finish that sentence, unable to even think about it. "You know what he's capable of," he settled on. "I can't just wait around on the assumption that he's planning on coming back."

"If he doesn't want to be found then I don't know how much of a chance you have of finding him," said Catarina, but she followed with, "do you want help?"

Alec considered it a moment. "It's probably best if I go alone," he decided. "Magnus might not be thankful for being crowded."

"You'll let me know when he's safe, won't you?"

_When,_ Alec thought despondently, but he agreed all the same. He hoped that he didn't mean so little to Magnus that the warlock would leave this world without so much as a note.

Ending the call with a quick farewell to Catarina, Alec hurried over pulling on his jacket before he rushed out of the front door. Out of panic rather than knowledge, he headed for the Hunter's Moon. He knew Magnus frequented the bar and it was a regular haunt for a number of downworlders. Even if the warlock wasn't there, perhaps someone could tell Alec where to look next.

The familiarity of the place formed a lump in Alec's throat and he cast a sweeping glance around the setting. He and Magnus had gone on their first date in this bar. Now, it didn't take him more than a glance to know that Magnus wasn't there. Maia was behind the bar and she frowned at him as he came hurrying over, clearly sensing his anxiety.

"Have you seen Magnus tonight?" asked Alec, too panicked for any kind of formal greeting as he leaned against the counter, wedged between two barstools.

Maia shook her head. "No, not for a while now. Is everything okay?"

"No, he's…" Alec ran a hand down his face, choosing his words. His boyfriend definitely would not appreciate the entire downworld knowing about his situation. "Magnus isn't in a good place right now, Maia. I need to find him before something happens. Do you have any idea where he might be?"

"Well, what happened?" Maia queried, a worried crease to her brow.

Alec clenched his fists atop the counter. "Right now, I just really have to find him. Please, if you know where he could be or… or if there's anyone you can think of who might know…"

"I assume you tried the loft," Maia said, so obviously that is wasn't even posed as a question. "Did you check Pandemonium? Or The Hotel Dumort? Raphael knows him better than I do."

Alec clenched his jaw a little. The last thing he needed right now was to risk a fight with the leader of the most powerful vampire clan in New York; he and Raphael weren't exactly on the best of terms after what had happened with Isabelle. Alec still hadn't completely forgiven him for that.

Still, he thanked Maia for her suggestions and hurried his way from the bar, heading for the nightclub Pandemonium. Magnus still owned the place, but, as far as Alec was aware, he hadn't been in there for at least a couple of months.

Alec didn't actually like nightclubs. That was apparent from everything about him.

The alleyway down to Pandemonium was teeming with nightlife. Men and women in revealing outfits, adorned with lace and leather, loitered along the walls, taking and kissing and drinking with one another. With his glamour up, Alec slipped past them unseen.

The doors to the club were locked when Alec tried to open them and he slipped his stele out, tracing the unlock rune beneath the door handle.

The inside of the building was empty and desolate, a light layer of dust gathering upon the bar counter and glass rims. The lights were all off. Moonlight filtered through the windows to send ghostly shafts sprawling across the floor. Silence crushed heavy over the darkened room.

"Magnus?" Alec called, his voice echoing strangely. "Magnus, you here?"

Even without searching around, he knew the club to be empty. No one had been in here for months, probably even since Valentine had started hunting warlocks in search of the spell to revive Jocelyn. The reminder of that day made Alec forlorn. He could have very easily lost Magnus before even getting the chance to know him.

Worse than the memory was the realisation that he was now out of leads.

A twinge of hope convinced Alec that maybe Magnus had gone back home. Perhaps he'd just missed him in this small window of time and, if he went back to the loft, Magnus would be there and he'd have a perfectly reasonable explanation for running off on him. Alec really needed to hold onto that hope because now it was all he had.

He turned heel from the desolate nightclub and retraced his steps back through the streets of Brooklyn.

* * *

Back home, Alec searched the loft once again, but again it yielded the same results as before. Magnus wasn't here.

Wandering into the bedroom, Alec sat on the edge of the bed, pressing his forehead into his hands. Heat stung his eyes and he cursed softly, pushing the tears back before they could fall and sucking in a heavy breath to steady his nerves.

"Okay," he whispered, breathing deeply. "Okay, okay…"

He had two options.

Option one, he could give up. He could go to sleep and hope Magnus was here when he woke up in the morning. That was the easy option. The cowards option. Option two, he could keep trying. He could go out and search for Magnus, call Catarina again to help, search The Hotel Dumort. That was the difficult option. It would take effort.

The front door clicked before he could decide. There was a heavy step and a soft curse and Alec shot upright, rushing into the main room.

Magnus was closing the front door with clumsy movements, clearly quite heavily intoxicated if the fumble of his hands on the doorknob and the way he leaned against the door was anything to go by.

"Where the hell have you been?" Alec demanded, rushing forward to grab Magnus's shoulders, forgetting for a moment the no touch rule.

Apparently, Magnus forgot too. Either that or he'd been drinking too much to care anymore; Alec could smell the alcohol now. "I went to a nightclub," admitted the warlock, not bothering to wrench himself from Alec's grip. He waved a hand dismissively when Alec frowned. "It's low profile. You don't know it."

"Magnus, what were you thinking? I've been worried sick," Alec said, struggling to sound angry when all he felt was fear and concern. "Do you have any idea what I've had going through my head? You could've been dead for all I knew and you were at a nightclub?!"

Magnus scoffed, finally prising himself from Alec's grasp. "Relax," he muttered, taking a shaky step back. "It's not like I threw myself off the balcony. I'm not that low."

"Don't even say that," pleaded Alec, shaking his head. "Please, don't even joke about that. Nothing about this is funny."

Magnus hummed his agreement. "Well, I'm not laughing."

He staggered suddenly and Alec lunged to catch him, pulling Magnus's arm up over his shoulders. Wordlessly, he supported Magnus over to the bedroom. The warlock mumbled under his breath, something that Alec didn't catch and didn't bother to chase up. He was too angry to care about Magnus's drunken ramblings.

Magnus was all but unconscious by the time Alec got him into the bedroom. Lifting him onto the bed, Alec carefully turned him onto his side, using two fingers to tilt his chin up a little further. The last thing he needed was Magnus choking on his own vomit. He went to grab a bucket from the cupboard under the bathroom sink, wandering back to place it on the floor beside the bed.

Sitting himself on the edge of the bed, Alec stared down at Magnus. He tried to maintain the anger, but Magnus looked so pitiful curled up there on the bed, eyes rolling every so often beneath closed eyelids. Alec smoothed a hand through Magnus's hair, sighing softly.

"You're an idiot," he murmured. "You know that, right…? Why couldn't you just let me help you?"

Magnus didn't answer. He was completely out of it by now.

Alec shook his head and set about removing Magnus's shoes before ducking to bring a spare blanket out from under the bed. He spread it over Magnus's body, tucking it around him.

He didn't climb in beside him. Magnus would definitely not appreciate being touched when he was more lucid. Instead, Alec left the room. He kept the door wide open, just in case of the slim possibility that Magnus needed him during the night, and made his way over to the sofa to spend the night.

* * *

The harsh morning light woke Alec and he sat up with a soft grunt. He stretched out the knot in his back, linking his fingers and bringing his arms high above his head, arching back so far that his spine cracked and popped to relieve the ache. Sleeping on the sofa had done him no favours.

With a heavy sigh, he hauled himself up from the sofa cushions and walked lethargically into the kitchen. A picked a glass from the cupboard and filled it to the brim with tap water before carefully making his way to the bedroom, setting the glass down on the bedside table and sitting himself on the edge of the bed.

Magnus had his face half-buried against the pillows, mouth agape and eyes closed in deep sleep. His breaths came out deep and heavy. It was strange for him to be so inelegant, even while unconscious. There was a shallow pool of vomit in the bucket on the floor beside the bed.

"Hey," Alec muttered, relieved when his voice made Magnus stir faintly. "You awake?"

Magnus hummed softly, head rolling against the pillows. His eyes didn't open, but he mumbled and dipped a small nod of confirmation in response to Alec's query. The shadowhunter took the water from the table. He slipped a hand beneath Magnus's head, pressing the rim of the glass to his lips to coax them apart.

"Drink this."

Magnus grunted softly, but complied. He gulped down the water eagerly, draining the glass in seconds and gasping for breath once it was done. Alec harshly set the glass back down and the unnecessarily loud sound startled Magnus's eyes open.

"What was that about last night?"

Magnus squinted up at the shadowhunter, his eyes bleary and dull. "I don't even know what I said," he grumbled, absently wiping his sleeve against his mouth.

"Yeah, because you were too drunk to remember."

The tone of his voice was too harsh, too judgemental, Alec knew that. He couldn't stop it. Magnus had scared him last night and that wasn't okay. Nothing about last night had been okay, between Alec flitting to Magnus's frequented areas, to his boyfriend stumbling back into the apartment only to collapse almost unconscious from the sheer quantity of alcohol.

Alec took a deep breath, struggling to find the words. "Magnus, I thought you were…" He couldn't finish and his eyes closed, lifting a hand to run through his hair. "You've been low recently, and I know it's for a good reason. I know you might have needed some time away to just… get it out of your system, but…"

Magnus canted his head, eyes narrowed against the light as he lowered his arm from his face. "Alec, what were you so afraid of?"

"I was afraid you wouldn't come back, okay?" said Alec, letting it all pour out because he needed Magnus to understand. "I was scared that I'd get a call from Catarina to tell me that she couldn't feel your magic anymore. I was scared about what you might have done while you were feeling like that…"

Taking a breath, Magnus let the exhale out as a slow sigh. "I should never have told you about Blackfriars bridge," he murmured and it was so unexpected that Alec physically took a step back. "It was selfish to tell you. I've just made you worry."

"That's the message you're taking away from that?" Alec spluttered incredulously. "Magnus, I'm glad you told me."

"Really?" scoffed Magnus and Alec reeled at the bitterness in his voice. "You're glad you spent the whole night worried that I'd gone out to kill myself?"

Alec swallowed hard, sitting himself on the edge of the bed. "I just want to help you..."

Magnus quietened then, his expression falling free from any hint of irritation. It was worse somehow. Now there was no emotion at all, just a numbing blankness painted across Magnus's face, hollowing his eyes and sealing his lips.

It was wrong to see him so numb.

Magnus himself wasn't faring much better. It was wrong to _feel_ so numb. Alec loved him, he kept proving it every day he stayed with whatever broken shell was left of Magnus, but the warlock couldn't feel it. He couldn't feel the warmth that he had used to experience whenever Alec was around. Nothing made him feel like that anymore.

Alec was looking at him strangely.

Seemingly without caution, Alec leaned forward and kissed him. Unthinkingly, Magnus sunk into it, his hands settling to Alec's waist, giving a stifled moan as the shadowhunter cupped his face, pulling him in closer and closer until it was just him. It was a forceful reminder of their first night together. His mind started to regress.

This memory was used as a blockade to his past, a shield that took every hit, pain crashing against it again and again until nothing but agony was left. The runes burned against his skin and Magnus pulled back with a shaky gasp, using an arm across Alec's chest to keep him back.

"I'm sorry," Alec apologised immediately, trying to push Magnus's arm away but it wouldn't yield. "Sorry. Was I hurting you?"

Magnus shook his head, still breathless, still heaving for air. The runes weren't burning him. There were no runes. Magnus would have preferred to be back in that cell than to confirm what his mind was doing to him. Alec had pushed his arm down and reached to his shoulder. In a desperate abruptness, Magnus pushed himself up and stepped back, arms wrapped around himself as if to try and protect his body from that pain.

"Please, don't touch me," he muttered, hating the words that poured from his mouth. "I can't..."

"Okay," Alec agreed with a nod of understanding, rising from the bed but not making another move to touch him. "Okay, I won't touch you... Can you at least tell me why?"

Heat burned his eyes and Magnus shook his head, knowing the tears would break if he tried to talk.

Alec swallowed hard, his hands clenching briefly into fists. "Magnus, I know it was my father who did that to you, but I'm not him. I'll never be him; I'd never do anything to hurt you."

Again, Magnus shook his head. "It's not that," he said.

"Then what?"

Magnus took a breath. He didn't want to get into it but Alec deserved a reason.

"When I was being tortured, I used my memories of you to prevent my mind from falling to the past," Magnus explained concisely, taking deep breaths to counter the tears. "Now I can feel that pain every time you touch me and I can't... I can't cope, Alec, I can't..."

Alec watched him a moment, noting the tears in his eyes and the pain in his voice, the stubbornly protective arms he had wrapped around himself. "It's alright," he murmured, his voice softening with his gaze. "We don't have to touch. I won't touch you… Just sit with me, will you?"

Magnus watched him a long moment before hesitantly coming to his side. Both moved to simultaneously sit on the edge of the bed. Alec pinched and scratched his hands; Magnus slowly rubbed up and down both of his wrists in turn. Each had their own coping mechanisms. Alec hurt his hands to distract from the emotional pain. Magnus tried to soothe the phantom pains in his wrists with light touches across his skin.

They sat in silence, trying to cope and failing to do so. If something didn't improve soon, it would only be a matter of time before something broke in their relationship. Something that may never be fixed.


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N- Writer's block is a terrible curse. I'm so sorry.**

* * *

Alec made sure to keep a particularly close eye on Magnus after his nightclub escapade.

It had forced him to realise that it wasn't just a low mood that was affecting Magnus. It went deeper than that. The depression was only one symptom. The nightclub had shown Magnus's destructive and impulsive behaviour, had proved that he craved a numbness and a release that alcohol could give him.

It scared Alec more than he could say, so he said nothing. He didn't pester Magnus over trying to recover or do better because he knew the warlock needed to move at his own pace. The last thing he wanted was for Magnus to become irritated with his presence. He just wanted to help. Somehow, he decided the best way to do that was to keep his distance.

Later, he realised what a mistake that was.

It was just two days past that the storm hit Brooklyn, lighting so surrounding and intense that Alec winced at the brightness as it cracked across the sky, illuminating the black clouds. There was no rain, only deep rumbles of thunder and frequent crashes of lightning. Magnus was in his room. From what Alec understood, Magnus had developed an aversion to storms over the course of his long life. It definitely had something to do with his suicide attempt over a century ago. That night had brought the most terrible storm.

Alec supposed he should check on him. It would be a bad night.

However, when he rapped his knuckles against the door, pushing it open for lack of response, the bedroom was empty. There was an open flask on the bedside table, an empty bottle on the floor. The panic hit Alec's chest before he could take a breath. Last time, Magnus had just been out at a club. Maybe Alec was overreacting again, but the storm was what worried him. Magnus's fragile state of mind, and the fact that he had clearly been drinking again, was what fuelled his panic.

Checking the balcony first turned out to be a wise decision, although he wished it wasn't so.

Alec was startled by a rush of cold air as he flung the doors open, but he couldn't stop to care for the chill because, when the lightning struck again, Alec could see a figure silhouetted against the flash, sat up on the balcony ledge with their knees up and feet resting along the edge with them. Magnus stared out across the city, perfectly still. A stone carving perched up on the wall.

"Magnus," said Alec, struggling to keep his tone light because one wrong move or misplaced emotion could be devastating. He tried to quash his fear, but he was certain the emotion touched his voice. "Baby, what are you doing…? Come down from there."

Magnus turned his head a little to glance at Alec, and his eyes brimmed with tears, illuminated from the light that came from the apartment and just barely touched him. Alec knew he'd been drinking again—he could see it in the warlock's eyes—and that scared him so terribly. This would be a lot easier to handle if Magnus was in a more lucid state of mind.

"I just wanted to…" began Magnus, his hands clutching harder at the edge of the wall, "I wanted to be in control… I can't dictate my feelings or my triggers, but I can control this." His head tilted back, lifting his face to the sky. "I have control over whether I live or die. No one can take that from me."

Alec swallowed hard, edging himself closer with an outstretched hand, prepared to lunge forward and make a grab for his boyfriend if he started to tip over the edge. "Take my hand, okay? Let's get you back inside."

A weak smile crossed Magnus's face, but it didn't reach his eyes. "Alec, do you understand what I can feel when we touch?" Alec didn't reply because he knew Magnus would continue. "You are a trigger for my pain, and I don't want that… I hate that… If I can't touch you again without feeling that pain then… maybe I don't want to live after all…"

Shaking his head, Alec still kept his hand up: an offer, a promise, but—most importantly—a choice. "We can fix this," he said, hoping his voice conveyed more confidence than he felt. "We can get through this. You said yourself, we just need time. So, let me help you down and we can wait it out together."

The silence was equally as terrible as Magnus's words, probably more so. Alec had no gauge on Magnus's mind, no idea if he was stable enough to listen to reason and climb down. He might be too far gone already. It was okay that he was hurting, but this was too much. Alec hated himself for not realising that Magnus was already this bad.

Perhaps he had realised. He had just chosen to ignore it because the truth was so horrifying.

Lightning forked the sky.

"What if we run out of time?" whispered Magnus, almost too quiet to hear.

"We will, if you do this."

Magnus glanced back to him, eyes roaming up and down Alec's tense body, clearly noticing he was closer than before. "I'm immortal," he reminded the shadowhunter, tears in his eyes and his voice. "I can wait as long as it takes, but if it's longer than you have…" He shook his head, turning back to face the fall. "I won't ruin your life by living broken. I can't do that to you."

"What do you think this will do to me?" asked Alec, his voice lifting in panic because Magnus was more focused on the street below now than he was on Alec. "Magnus, look at me! I will never recover if you do this. I would feel the guilt forever. If you want me to have a good life, then you'll take my hand and you'll come inside. You'll stay with me and let me love you, because I will, Magnus. I'll love you until I die."

A soft sob shuddered Magnus's body. Perhaps it wasn't the best idea to remind the warlock of Alec's fleeting mortality. Despite the painful reminder, Magnus turned to face Alec. Alec just barely saw him, but he felt Magnus reach for him and immediately grabbed his boyfriend's hand, moving closer to pull him from the ledge.

Safe with both feet firmly planted on the balcony, Magnus all but collapsed into the shadowhunters arms, sobbing at a volume that rivalled the thunder. Alec held him, kneeling with him when the sobs came too hard to stand.

Then it rained.

The weather mimicked Magnus's actions, rain in place of tears. Alec didn't mind. Either the rain or the tears. He buried his face in Magnus's already soaked hair, just holding him as close as possible, as if his touch could stop the warlock from falling to pieces. It was a little late for that, Alec realised. He hated himself for not doing something more drastic sooner.

"Broken or not, I'd rather have you alive," said Alec. "Don't ever doubt that again, Magnus. Promise me."

Rain streamed down Magnus's cheek's, mixing with the tears. The warlock just rattled in breaths that broke with the occasional sob. Honestly, Alec hadn't been expecting a reply. The rain was cold where it seeped into his clothes and clung to strands of his hair, sending droplets racing down his face and chest, trickling down along his spine.

Part of Alec knew that Magnus wouldn't have jumped. It was just the drinking and the helplessness that had driven him to get up on that ledge; there was no serious risk of him trying it again. That's what Alec hoped. Regardless, he wanted Magnus away from the balcony edge.

"Come on," he murmured, easing his grip a little. "Let's get you inside."

Compliant and silent—save the occasional sniffle or stifled sob— Magnus let Alec pull him up and help him inside. He sat heavily on the sofa as Alec closed the balcony doors, drawing the curtains for good measure. Perhaps it would be better if Magnus didn't see a height for a time, at least until Alec was sure he wouldn't try that again.

He fixed up a mug of tea and came to sit beside Magnus, wordlessly passing him the drink. The warlock didn't move for a long time. He simply sat and cradled the mug between his hands, as if benefitting from the warmth radiating out from its contents.

Alec shared his silence awhile, letting the sound of rain become almost deafening in the absence of any sound from inside the apartment. Thunder rumbled overhead and Magnus shuddered softly, lifting the rim of the mug to his lips. He drank silently and returned the mug to his lap.

"Magnus," said Alec eventually. "I love you."

Magnus closed his eyes and took a breath. "I know that… I love you too."

"So, you understand how much you're scaring me…?" Alec swallowed thickly and wrung his hands in his lap. "I know it's not your fault, I'm not saying it is, I just… I'm afraid because it isn't getting better. Seeing you up on that ledge… It would have killed me, Magnus, you know that? I would have jumped right off after you."

A faint movement shook Magnus's head. "Don't say that."

"What, so it's okay if you're suicidal, but when I even mention it—"

"It's not okay," interrupted Magnus, a hint of heat entering his words, and Alec could feel nothing but relief that at least there was some emotion there other than numb sorrow. "I hate myself for even thinking about it. I hate that I can't stop feeling like this." Tears brimmed in his eyes and he inhaled shakily. "I hate that you had to come and talk me down. I never wanted that for you."

Alec regarded him a long moment, just staring at this man for whom he held so much love, whose actions scared him so terribly. He just wanted everything to go back to normal. That wasn't an option anymore. It would never be how it was, because Magnus would never be how he was, not completely.

"I want to stay," Alec insisted, clenching his hands in his lap. "I want to be with you."

Magnus's lower lip trembled. "I want that too."

"Then you need to stop pushing me away." Alec reached a slow hand to rest atop Magnus's wrist, giving the warlock plenty of time to pull away. He didn't. A steadying inhale rattled slightly when Magnus drew it in, but he didn't pull away. "Do something for me," requested Alec softly. "Get help… Isabelle has her mundane group for addiction. I'm sure they have one you could go to… some PTSD group or something."

Magnus closed his eyes and bowed his head. "That's really what you think is happening?"

Alec canted his head a little to one side. "What did you think was happening? Magnus, what you went through was traumatic. It's still affecting you… If you would try the group sessions, they could help you."

Swallowing thickly, Magnus ducked his gaze and gave a stiff nod. "Okay," he murmured. "If you think it will help… I'll try."


	14. Chapter 14

It was difficult for both of them. Alec kept making hastily aborted movements to touch Magnus, and part of Magnus longed for him to go through with it every time. The majority of him was just terrified that he could never feel Alec again without being in pain. He spiralled downwards very quickly after that realisation, falling into bad habits of insomnia and bouts of constantly low moods.

The suicidal tendencies had faded from his behaviour, so that was something of a victory. Magnus suspected that was the result of the group therapy Alec had pressured him into. Thank god he had been so persistent. There were some terrible stories from people, abuse survivors and dismissed soldiers all sharing their tales, but there was something freeing about it too.

All their stories made Magnus realise that he didn't want to die. He wanted to be with Alec. He wanted the shadowhunter to be happy to stay with him. Getting better was only half for himself. He would recover for Alec.

Magnus hadn't spoken about his most prominent trauma. He needed a cover story so as not to sound absolutely insane. Still, when prompted, he had mentioned a few problems with his father, the psychological and physical abuse he had put Magnus through when he was younger. The group leader—a man named Aiden—knew there was something else, but he was satisfied enough for Magnus to move at his own pace. One of the group members had even approached Magnus after his first time speaking to tell him how brave he was for saying what he had said.

He didn't feel brave, but he smiled anyway and thanked her for her words.

It had only been three weeks, three sessions with the group, so things were far from perfect. In fact, just two days after his first time speaking in therapy, Alec woke at an ungodly hour at very early morning to discover Magnus having a breakdown on the balcony. Boundaries forgotten briefly, Alec grabbed him in a desperate embrace and dragged him inside, apparently just too afraid to have him out at such a height, knowing his history all too well, not wanting to have a repeat of last week.

Back inside the apartment, Magnus fought his way from Alec's hold, arms wrapped around himself, his rushed words so broken by sobs that the sentence didn't even form. Alec risked a light touch to his wrist and Magnus heaved in a shuddering breath, twitching, wanting to pull his hand away, but not quite managing to implement the action. It didn't hurt.

"I'm sorry," he had whispered in the darkness, tears in his eyes and his voice. "I'm afraid. I'm sorry."

After that night—once he saw just how badly Magnus was suffering—Alec dared to test the waters a little. It started small, just brushing his hand against Magnus's own every so often, infrequently enough that it could be accidental. Magnus said nothing to deter him. He wanted to get better and maybe easing into it slowly was the way to go.

On Alec's part, an effort was also being made. He was trying to learn Indonesian from a website teaching languages, just so he could maybe understand what Magnus was mumbling in his sleep. It was a slow process, but Alec had determination and time. He was even learning how to tell whether Magnus was asleep or not by his breathing patterns. More often than not, he was awake. There was nothing so distancing than lying beside one another, both wide awake, but neither saying a word. Alec couldn't even hold him; he wouldn't risk hurting Magnus just to make himself feel better. He refused to be selfish.

Alec hated leaving for work. He would tell Magnus over and over to just call if he needed anything, that he could come to the institute whenever he wanted, that Alec would come home if Magnus asked. The warlock would usher him out the door, insisting that he'd be fine and that Alec would be late if he kept dawdling. He was always there when Alec came back, but the shadowhunter still worried. How could he not after what had happened.

"You know I love you, don't you?"

The mattress shifted a little to accommodate Magnus rolling onto his back. He always slept on his front or his side. Alec just knew that about him, and he held every snippet of knowledge about Magnus as if it were the most important information. Despite it being almost midnight, they both lay wide awake in their shared bed.

"Yes," said Magnus and his voice came a whisker above a whisper, "Alexander, I know. Why would you ask me that?"

Alec sighed softly, just a breath in the darkness. "I just had to make sure you know. I love you, and I'm so… I'm so proud of you for taking part in the group sessions. I know it must be hard, but you're doing so well."

That was all the support he needed and Magnus shifted to kiss Alec's temple, a show of gratitude for his words. He was ready now.

* * *

"Does anyone else want to speak?"

Magnus glanced around the circle, not wanting to interrupt anyone else, but no hands went up so he raised his own. It was always a raise hands situation in the group. They met in a small office room normally used for lunch or the more casual meetings, but, at six in the evening, most of the employees had vacated the building already and the manager lent out certain rooms to rehabilitation groups such as this one.

"Magnus," said the group leader as a way of acknowledgement, nodding to him encouragingly. "Go ahead."

Taking a breath, Magnus nodded and rubbed a hand to the back of his neck. "I haven't… I haven't been completely open. I talked about my father, but that was years ago now, and there's something else that was a lot closer…" A bitter huff left his lips. "Turns out my dad isn't my main issue at the moment. My boyfriend's father… I guess he didn't approve of us being together…"

He paused a long moment, wiping a hand down his face as he struggled to word his thoughts. The circle was watching him sympathetically, so he assumed they were all guessing it wasn't good. Still, he didn't speak for a while, absently chewing the nail of his thumb.

"Magnus," Aiden coaxed and Magnus hummed and nodded to acknowledge him. "It's okay. You don't need to get into it if you don't want to. Take a breath. Keep talking if you can."

Following his advice, Magnus took a steady inhale, releasing it as a slow sigh.

"He hurt me," he admitted finally. "It was bad. My boyfriend tried to stop him, but… by the time he got to me, the damage was done. Now every time I touch him… all I can feel is what his father did to me." He swallowed thickly. "I guess I'm just afraid that's all I'll ever feel… He's not something I can distance myself from like all the other triggers. I can't… I don't want to leave him. I love him."

Aiden regarded him a long moment. "Why do you think you're associating him with something his father did?"

Magnus shook his head. "I'm not… Not really."

"Then it shouldn't be triggering you to be with him," said Aiden. "It's just your mind playing tricks with you."

"Aiden, can I…?" another one of the group members said, and Aiden gestured to her. "Maybe you should try doing something new," she suggested, "with your boyfriend. Something you haven't done before. It might help you to associate him with a new, better memory rather than an old, painful one."

Blinking hard, Magnus reflected on that a moment. "That's… worth a try," he murmured, casting her a weak smile.

"You're so brave for staying with him," she said. "He's a lucky man to have someone so devoted."

Magnus shook his head, swallowing thickly. "He's not lucky. I'm a mess. He has to deal with me every time I have a breakdown." He absently wiped the back of his hand to his eyes, cautious even though no tears had fallen. "Only last month, he… he had to talk me out of… doing something really stupid."

Aiden cast him a sympathetic look. "Is that something you'd like to talk about?"

Shaking his head again, Magnus forced a sad smile. "No, not… not today. I'm done for today."

"Okay," Aiden murmured gently. "Thank you for sharing, Magnus."

Aiden talked a little about the group as a whole, about how it was so important for them to continue coming here and talking to one another, about how he knew how hard it was and that what they were all doing was braver than any of them realised. They disbanded at six as usual. Magnus gave a few mumbles of farewell and nodded acknowledgements to people congratulating him for speaking.

He walked home.

It wasn't something he often did due to the building the group met at being a considerable walking distance from his apartment, across the river in Manhattan. Usually, he would slip into a secluded alleyway and portal back, but not this time. He wanted to think.

The sun was sinking down between the buildings. Magnus stayed on the bridge a moment to watch it fade, watched the clouds turn pink and orange in the sunset. Standing there, seeing the unique light splash colour across the sky, Magnus considered just not going back to the loft. He could be anywhere in the world with a snap of his fingers. He could go to Iceland and watch the Northern Lights, he could go to Bolivia to see where the sky touches the earth, he could swim the Great Barrier Reef.

Magnus breathed a sigh into the air.

There was nothing he hadn't done a hundred times already in the course of his long, long life. He realised suddenly that it wasn't that he was bored of seeing the world. It was that he was tired of seeing it alone. The only thing he really wanted right now was his boyfriend. The desperate need for Alec to hold him was overpowering his fear of pain.

He whipped up a portal before that need faded, stepping through and arriving in the entrance of his loft. Alec was sat on one of the sofas, nursing a mug in his lap, but he stood at Magnus's arrival, setting his cup on the coffee table as he came to greet him.

"Hey, how did it go—"

Alec's query cut off abruptly when Magnus strode right up to slump against his chest, his arms tight around the shadowhunters waist. It didn't hurt even when Alec lifted a hand to settle over his back.

"Hey…" he greeted in an uncertain whisper, smoothing his palm down Magnus's spine. "Are you okay? Did something happen?"

Magnus shook his head, pulling back just enough so that he could stare up at Alec's face. "No, I just… I love you and I missed you, and I'm sorry I've been distant. It's awful and I hate not being able to touch you because I love you. I love you so much and I think it hurts more to be apart from you than it does to be triggered by you."

Alec's eyes narrowed and he gently prised himself away. "I love you too, Magnus, but I don't want you to be in any pain. We can try and take it slow, but I need you to be honest with me and say something if it starts to hurt." He lifted his hand to brush his knuckles across Magnus's cheek, so light that it barely touched at all. "I'm here for you, okay? You'll never been apart from me. I'll always be here."

Hot tears swamped Magnus's eyes and he wrapped his hands into the front of Alec's shirt, trying to shake him, to chastise him because he was being so sappy and stupid, and because he was so wonderful that it was making Magnus want to start sobbing. He wondered exactly when he had become so emotional.

Biting his lower lip, Magnus simply dropped his head into the crook of Alec's neck, inhaling a forcibly deep breath. This man in front of him was his entire world. Magnus knew for certain that he would be dead without Alec; he might have even been killed the night they first met if Alec hadn't let that arrow fly. The shadowhunter had been protecting him even as far back as that initial meeting.

A twinge of pain circled his wrists and he slowly unravelled his hands from Alec's shirt, taking a step back to rub over each of his wrists in turn.

"I'm sorry," he murmured, unsure of what else to say.

Alec just shook his head. "Don't be," he said. "I know it's still early, but you really should get some rest. I know you haven't been sleeping well. I hear you pacing around at night sometimes, talking to the cats; I figured you needed your space." He hesitated a moment. "Do you want me to sleep in here tonight? You can have the bed to yourself."

Magnus blinked up at him, softening his gaze. "No," he replied, lifting a hand to very briefly touch Alec's arm. "I don't want that. I need you with me… Is that okay?"

Nodding his confirmation, Alec cupped Magnus's hand to bring to his lips, pressing a ghost of a kiss to his knuckles before letting him go. "That's perfect, sweetheart… Let's go to bed."


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N- **I have a valid excuse this time! Moving out is hectic.

* * *

A steady silence lay across the room, broken only with soft, slow breaths of deep sleep from the couple in the bed. They had fallen asleep in each other's arms, but separated sometime in the night, shifting in their sleep to allow for a few inches of space between them. When Magnus started twitching and shifting in the throes of a nightmare, it didn't manage to wake Alec.

Around a half an hour later, Magnus's eyes snapped open and he sat up with a ragged gasp, a hand clutching at the opposite wrist as if to try and break the shackles from his dream. There was nothing there, though, no chains or harsh lighting or steles. The pain was gone too. He was in bed, at home; the mattress creaked and dipped beneath him as Alec pushed himself to sit up beside him.

"Hey," he murmured, separating Magnus's hands and rubbing along his wrists. "It's okay. It was just a dream."

Magnus turned to face him and his eyes immediately softened. Alec's hair was a mess, dark locks sticking up on one side and pressed flat on the other from where his head had been resting against the pillows. Despite that, he was wide awake, as he always was when Magnus's nightmares woke them both at such ungodly hours.

"Do you need your charm?"

Once the attacks became a regular ordeal, Magnus had quickly discovered that nothing helped more than simply holding that omamori charm that Alec had given him after their date in Tokyo. It was a grounding technique, similar to Magnus using memories of Alec to keep from falling back to his past traumas during the torturing process.

Even before all this, Magnus had always carried the charm with him. Now it wasn't just for sentimental reasons, because there were too many triggers for Magnus's attacks. The feeling of something tight around his wrists was too similar to the shackles, so he had stopped wearing bracelets. Alec's father was thoroughly avoided after just seeing him around the institute had Magnus stumbling into Alec's room to have an attack in some privacy. On bad days, even a lit stele or a similarly shaped rune could set him off.

"Magnus?"

"I'm alright," he replied. His breathing was fine and there was no tightness in his chest or his throat; this felt different. "It was just a dream. I'm not having an attack."

He leaned his full body against Alec, cheek pressed against his collarbone. The shadowhunter enveloped him in his arms, dropping a kiss to the crown of his head and settling back against the pillows with Magnus hugged against his chest.

"I know you don't feel like it, but you should really try and go back to sleep," murmured Alec, a hand running absently through his boyfriend's hair.

Magnus shook his head against Alec's shoulder. "I'm sorry, I don't… I don't think I can, Alec." He breathed heavily, focusing on this moment, refusing to be swayed by another. "Just… hold me like this, will you?"

Alec pressed another kiss to his head. "Whatever you need, sweetheart. I'm right here."

* * *

Magnus was awoken by a hand in his hair, stroking back over his head. Soft lips pressed a light kiss to his temple and he murmured and tried to open his eyes.

"It's okay, it's just me," Alec's voice reassured. "I'm just heading to the institute, okay? I'll be back as soon as I can."

_Don't go,_ Magnus wanted to plead with him, _don't leave me,_ but his mouth wouldn't form the words. Being woken by nightmares just a few hours prior had apparently been more of an ordeal that he had been willing to admit at the time. Magnus was exhausted. He just ended up grunting something reminiscent to acknowledgement.

Alec was gone when he woke again. The bedsheets sat cold and empty beside him.

Magnus huffed out a breath and sat up, running a hand down his face and up into his hair. There was a weight in his chest, like some foreboding that today would drain him. Usually, he would talk to Alec about this. Judging by the cold bedsheets, Alec had left a while ago. Happening to glance over to the side, Magnus frowned softly and reached to pluck a scrap of paper from the bedside table.

_Gone to work—wasn't sure if you were awake enough to hear me leave. Back this afternoon around five. I love you. Alec x_

Magnus closed his eyes and held the paper against his chest, hoping it would act as some substitute to ease the weight. It didn't. He didn't want Alec's handwriting, he wanted Alec. It was foolish, Magnus knew he couldn't have Alec, not right now anyway; the shadowhunter was at work. As much as Magnus wanted to see him, he couldn't bother Alec at work.

Still, he could make up some excuse, he supposed.

Magnus hadn't even fully debated his options before his body was making the decision for him, and he was climbing out of bed, heading to the wardrobe. His gaze scanned his selection of clothes. The better he dressed, the better he could feel. That was Magnus's theory.

He picked out a dark, high collared shirt and red patterned jacket, black jeans with a chained belt. With a flick of magic, he had his nails painted a dark red, the same coloured streaked through random locks of his hair. He adorned his fingers with an assortment of rings, his throat fastened with necklaces and pendants.

When it was done, he stared at himself in the body-length mirror in the door of the wardrobe. It was in a dissociative way that he lifted a hand to press against the mirror, his fingers spread wide, fingertips braced hard into the reflective surface. There was some sharp tug in Magnus's stomach, and a flash of red ricocheted across the mirror, shattering it into a thousand tiny pieces.

Magnus cursed and took a frantic step back, his hands shaking as he whipped a portal into creation. It terrified him when his magic acted instinctually. He needed Alec.

The portal spat Magnus out on the lawn of the institute and he stumbled a little as his feet hit solid ground. He paused a moment, closing his eyes briefly and listening to the portal snap shut behind him. He had never used to be so unsteady.

Lifting his head, Magnus stared at the institute for a full minute, trying to quash the fear settling deep and heavy in his stomach. However, before he could muster the courage to walk up the stairs, one of the doors opened and an unexpected figure appeared.

"Magnus?" Andrew Underhill queried gently, coming halfway down the steps. "Are you here for Alec?"

Unsure of what else to do, Magnus nodded stiffly.

"Okay," Underhill said slowly, beckoning him up. "Come on then. I'll take you to him."

The escort was all too welcome, but Magnus's legs wouldn't move. The last time he had been in this building, he'd been dragged off into the cells and tortured. His mind refused to let him forget that apparently.

"Hey," said Underhill, coming down to stand beside him and hesitantly touching his arm, as if unsure contact would be welcome. "It's okay. Nothing like what happened last time will ever happen again. I swear to you." Magnus nodded, but didn't speak. "I can ask Alec to come and meet you out here if that's easier. You don't have to come in."

Magnus shook his head. "No, that's alright."

He forced the breath he took to be silent and began the climb up the steps. Underhill strode to open the door for him, leading the warlock through the entranceway, waving a hand to a questioning guard and giving the brief but firm explanation, "he's with me."

Magnus tried to hold himself with pride, but it was difficult when he couldn't feel it. He just worked on keeping his breathing steady and his chin level, ignoring the stares he could feel his presence was attracting. Everyone in this building knew what had happened. Many of them had helped him. The rest of them hadn't.

Underhill led him to a small group gathered around one of the screens. Jace and Clary were pointing at something on the screen, some map or other, and glancing back to Alec, who stood behind them, nodding every so often with a thoughtful furrow to his brow.

"Alec," said Underhill to get his attention, gesturing to Magnus when the shadowhunter glanced back at the sound of his voice.

Alec's eyes went a little wider before narrowing and softening as he uncrossed his arms and came to stand in front of Magnus.

"Hey, is everything okay?" he asked, canting his head a little.

Magnus parted his lips without even knowing what to say. He couldn't explain himself in front of the rest of the group. It wasn't that he didn't trust them, he just couldn't expose himself like that; he wasn't ready.

Fortunately, he was saved from having to answer.

Alec's attention flicked over Magnus's shoulder and his expression twisted in something reminiscent to disgust. He absently touched Magnus's upper arm.

"Stay here a moment, okay?"

Confused, Magnus just nodded. It was when he turned around to watch after Alec that he froze up. Barely ten paces away from him was Robert Lightwood.

Alec grabbed his father's arm and pushed him back a step.

"What the hell are you doing here?" demanded Alec in an undertone, cutting his father off when Robert opened his mouth. "I told you I didn't want to see you again. I told you if you came near Magnus—"

"I didn't know he was going to be here," Robert replied smoothly. "But, now that he's finally out and about, this would be an opportunity to deliver a formal apology for any discomfort he received during the mistrial."

Magnus felt sick.

He didn't believe that Robert was apologising of his own accord. The man did not hold a trace of regret for his actions and whatever apology he had planned had certainly been chosen word-for-word by The Clave. Alec's father had had everything intention of killing him. He had tortured Magnus with no hesitation.

It was too much. The institute and Robert and everyone's runes on full display, stele's flashing here and there to operate the screens; it was overwhelming. Magnus swallowed against the lump in his throat. He couldn't breathe.

"Excuse me," he managed to utter, breaking away from the group and stumbling to an adjacent hallway.

A hand clutched over his heart once he was out of sight, but he didn't stop walking. He knew where he was and it was only around the corner, if he could just make it there then he might be alright. His vision was darkening, his wrists burning. For a time, he thought he might die right then and there.

By some miracle—and support from the wall—Magnus staggered around the corner and almost ran the final few paces before shoving open the door and collapsing into Alec's room. His knees hit the floor and he scrambled to slam the door shut behind him. Ragged breaths heaved his chest as he crawled to the side of the bed, sitting back against it and grabbing a fistful of quilt to pull up against his face.

Every breath smelled like Alec, some natural musk and just a hint of Indian sandalwood from where he used Magnus's shampoo.

There was a soft click and Magnus angled his face away from the door, ashamed to have anyone see him like this. The door closed again almost instantly and Magnus believed that whoever it was had left him in peace, but the soft pad of footsteps told him otherwise.

A hand brushed against one of his wrists.

"Magnus..."

Magnus gasped and blinked rapidly up at Alec, now knelt in front of him. The shadowhunters hand still lay to his wrist and Magnus could do nothing but sob in relief because it didn't hurt anymore. Alec was holding him and it made the pain stop.

"Hey, hey," soothed Alec when Magnus sobbed and grabbed him desperately. "Are you okay? Are you hurting?"

Shaking his head was a lie really. The pain was emotional, not physical, but that didn't make it any less prominent.

"It doesn't hurt," whispered Magnus, wiping the back of his hand to his nose and gulping back a sob. "It did hurt when I saw Robert… but you made it better. You made it stop."

"I thought you said I was a trigger?"

Magnus shook his head unknowingly. "I don't know, Alec, I…. I don't know."

Alec's eyes narrowed and he curled a hand around the back of Magnus's head, leaning in the press a light kiss to his forehead. "I've been holding back," he admitted, coming down to sit beside Magnus, leaned against the side of the bed. "I've been… restraining myself from touching you. I couldn't risk hurting you, Magnus. I won't."

"Alexander," said Magnus, his gaze softening from anxiety into sympathy.

"I missed it," Alec said. "I know it's selfish. I missed getting to hold you."

Magnus lifted a hand to hold Alec's jaw, turning his head and leaning up to press a lingering kiss to his lips. Breathing shakily as they came apart, Magnus pressed his forehead against Alec's own, his hands coming to clutch the back of the shadowhunters neck.

"Touch me now," he breathed out and their lips came together again, Alec's hands coming down to his waist, pulling him in closer, holding him near and safe.


	16. Author's Message

Authors Message

Hey guys,

I don't know if anyone is still hoping for me to continue this, but (as you've probably guessed) I'm not planning on finishing this story. I'm really sorry if anyone was hoping for me to, but I just lost love for it. I probably will never return to this account, but I'll leave it up regardless.

I've moved to an Archive of our Own account ( HarkaSun) where I have one ongoing multi-chapter and one completed one-shot. I am actually posting and updating once a week on AO3 with shadowhunters (malec) stories. I'm a lot better and more consistent with my works on AO3.

Sorry again if I've disappointed anyone, but I thought I'd better let people know. Come see me on AO3 if you want.

Wish you all the best.


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